Vada: You’re alive.

Alessi: No need to sound so disappointed.

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Vada: You know what your problem is?

Alessi: I only have one?

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Alessi: I need some help with my homework, Vada.

Vada: What’s the assignment?

Alessi: I’m supposed to write a paper that presents both sides of an issue and then defends one of the arguments.

Vada: What’s your issue?

Alessi: That’s the problem. I can’t think of anything to argue.

Vada: That’s hard to believe.

Alessi: I’m always right and everybody else is always wrong! What’s to argue about?!

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Alessi: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?

Vada: Do you make any other kind?

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Vada: I'm going to take a shower, I'll be right back.

Alessi: Why are you telling me this, I don't care.

Alessi, right after Vada leaves the room: I miss them already.

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Vada: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee.

Alessi: If I was married to you I’d drink it.

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Vada: This can’t get any worse. Can it?

Alessi: Sure it can - just give me a minute.

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Vada: I feel like doing something stupid.

Alessi: I’m stupid, do me.

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Alessi: You look good in that hoodie.

Vada: You know where else I'd look good?

Alessi, zero hesitation: My bed.

Vada, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

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Alessi: You think that’s cringe? Moms around the world wait 9 months just to end up naming their kid Vada.

Vada: Hey, fuck you.

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Vada: Dammit, you ruin everything!

Alessi: You're welcome.

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Vada: I made this bracelet for you.

Alessi: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

Vada: You don’t have to wear…

Alessi: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

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Vada: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me.

Alessi: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.

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Alessi: Hey, thanks for checking in, I’m ✨still a piece of garbage✨