I'm trying to be patient. I really am. But NightHaze's indifferent attitude towards taking his medicine is starting to get on my nerves.

"I won't take them." NightHaze says, eyes meeting mine solidly, boldly, arms crossing over his chest. Sakura paws at the medicine boxes on the table, meowing before her tail flicks, hopping down into NightHaze's lap.

Her ears stick out from over the table top, and they twitch as I take a deep breath in, pinching the bridge of my nose using my pointer finger and thumb.

"NightHaze, you need to take them. The doctor said-"

"What's the point of taking them if I'm just going to die in a month's time?" NightHaze asks, silver eyes unwavering. I rub at my temples, and my eyes shutter closed briefly.

"If you take them constantly like the doctor's recommendations, there's a chance that you can live longer than a month." I say, reaching across the table to clasp on of NightHaze's hands. He reluctantly uncrosses his arms. His skin is clammy and cold, rough and dry all at the same time.

NightHaze shakes his head, and plays with the boxes on the table. His hand's shaking. I can usually get him to take his meds b adding them to his drinks, or food. I'm quiet, and the only thing we can hear filling the tense silence is Sakura's soft meowing.

NightHaze strokes Sakura's head softly, and meets my eyes sadly. "It's inevitable, Touma. I'm going to die. There's no escaping. I'm fine. You're going to be fine. You'll get over the fact that someone.... like me is dead in a heartbeat." He swallows thickly, voice stuttering on the last few words. His eyes are glimmering with emotion, and he ducks his head, clearing his throat before repeating himself, as if it brings comfort to him. "I'm fine."

"You're obviously not fine." I find myself snapping, my own anger and anguish getting in the way of my rational thinking. "You're about to cry, yet you still try to put up this facade that you're strong, that this isn't affecting you, and you refuse to accept, or see that this... this disease is killing you!" My voice has risen in anger, and NightHaze flinches backwards.

"You're always thinking about others, and I love that about you, but why don't you think about yourself sometimes? Be selfish instead of selfless. Be greedy. Ask for anything that you want. I'll happily do anything for you. But right now, you're starting to piss me off with this indifferent attitude of yours. At least I don't pretend like everything's fine when I only have a month left to live!"

I jerk back almost immediately, slapping a hand over my mouth as I realize the weight and damage of what I'd just done. NightHaze is staring at me, silver eyes wide and scared, tears leaking from the corners. He's terrified. I curse beneath my breath, and try to compose myself.

"NightHaze.." I start, my voice hoarse. I reach a hand out, but he slaps it away violently, stumbling to stand from his seat, dislodging Sakura who tumbles to the ground with a yowl of alarm.

NightHaze's body is trembling, his breath coming out in short gasps, coughs wracking his entire body. When I try to approach him, he lets out a terrified cry, one that sends a knife into my chest as he struggles to get away from me. His hand is over his heart, and he's wheezing for air.

I know what I did was wrong. I want to help him, but I know the more I press, the worse his panic attack will be.

"D-don't come after me. Get away, get away, get away!" He chants, as he cowers, covering his ears with his hands, shaking his head back and forth violently. "Go away, go away! I hate you! I hate you!"

He shoves me away roughly as I attempt to approach again, and bolts for the door. With my heart in my throat, I scramble to my feet just in time to hear the front door slam shut, the pattering of feet and heaving sobs heard, growing dimmer as NightHaze flees.

I leap towards the door, wrenching it open just in time to see NightHaze stumble out of the door to the apartment complex. No. He can't do this. It'll put his life at even more of a risk. I have to catch him before it's too late.

I know the damage has been done, mentally and emotionally, but I've got to save him before he strains himself too much.

~~~

if ye (or anyone) wanna/wants to yell at me or something :v

https://wolfplaygame.com/forums.php?f=36&t=32614

As soon as I get out of the apartment complex doors, I look left and right to search for NightHaze. I don't know which direction he went. I swivel my head left and right, and - there. I catch a glimpse of him just as he swerves around the corner a block down to my right.

I bolt after him, ignoring the stinging of the hot pavement against my bare feet. I'm much faster than him, but he's got a good head start on me, and he can easily weave through large crowds since he's so small. But I have to get to him before something bad happens.

The more upset he gets, he becomes sick. There's a chance that he already has a fever. I swing around the corner, nearly taking someone out. They curse at me loudly, and I apologize over my shoulder as I keep running down the street. The crowd's parted slightly as I run through, ducking and weaving through bodies and bags, and I can see NightHaze, near the end of the next street.

He can't risk his life like this. He knows he shouldn't increase his heart rate, or his pulse. He knows. I push myself faster. A truck honks, screeching to a stop, and my heart leaps into my throat. NightHaze barely managed to avoid getting hit by a sixteen-wheeler truck. I hear a piercing cry, and NightHaze suddenly collapses on the ground.

I cross the last fifty or so meters, and fall to my knees next to him, ignoring the scraping of my knees, the sting of tiny pebbles in my skin. I cradle him in my arms, scooping him and reclining him on my lap. I pat his face with my fingers frantically, framing his cheeks.

His eyes are squeezed shut, as if in pain. His skin is flushed, hot and feverish. His lips are white, and his breath comes out in short, harsh pants. Blood is already specked along his lips, and he wheezes, spitting out a clot of blood.

"T-touma..." One of NightHaze's arms reach up to me, weakly, and I grasp his hand in mine, my throat feeling like it's closing up, and his entire body goes limp.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I gasp, and blindly reach out, grasping the hem of someone's shirt. It's a girl, probably about my age, and she stares at me, wide-eyed. "Please, call an ambulance. He - he's in critical condition and he might die, and I can't -" The girl places a hand on mine, and crouches next to me, taking out her phone.

"It's going to be okay." She speaks in a soft voice, comforting. "I want you to calm down." I inhale, deeply and shakily, and tell her what's going on. She relays everything to the hospital almost as soon as they pick up, as well as where we are. She watches me, worriedly, and her gaze slides down to NightHaze, who's breathing shallowly in my lap.

The ambulance is arriving in five minutes, and I can't help but to just stare at NightHaze, my hand still clasping his, my thumb rubbing circles on the back of his limp hand. The girl's still beside me, probably there to confirm to the ambulance that she was the one who called.

It seems like an eternity before the ambulance arrives, screeching to a halt on the street. I pick NightHaze up, cradling him close to my chest. Everything seems to have turned to white noise, and my vision is blurry with tears of anguish. The girl pats my shoulder in a comforting gesture before they take NightHaze into the back of the ambulance.

They let me in as well, and almost immediately after laying NightHaze down on the stretcher, they put an oxygen mask over NightHaze's mouth and nose. He looks so peaceful, and his breathing is so shallow, so quiet, and I'm so terrified that he's going to die.

I reach out, and grasp his fingers in my hand, bowing my head and placing my head in my other hand, gripping my hair in annoyance. Why did I have to snap? Why did I have to yell? Why didn't I just stay patient?

Now, NightHaze's life is on the line, and it's all my fault.

sorry for any typos, I'm on my phone and I also can't be bothered with any more coding.

Kaito: hello darkness my old friend

Kaede: I've come to talk to you again

NightHaze: because a vision softly creeping

Kaito: left it's seeds while I was sleeping

Touma, popping out of nowhere: whatcha guys doing?

Kaede: he ruined it ;-;

Kaito: gosh Touma.

Touma, confuses: what did I do this time? D:

NightHaze: you interrupted our song.

Touma: ;~; I'll just leave now

NightHaze, Kaito, Kaede: bye

So so sorry. This is utter crap. I can't do anything yeet. But hopefully tomorrow I'll be back with the final update (or maybe in two days) for the short ficlet above :3

At the hospital, NightHaze gets rushed to the ECU, and they immediately get NightHaze hooked up to a heart monitor. It's a flurry of panic, since no one really knows how to stop this disease from deteriorating him from the inside out. I recognize some of the medicines that NightHaze had been prescribed that are called out by the doctors, and liquid forms of the medication is pumped into NightHaze's veins.

No one chases me out of the room, and instead, they watch me with sad eyes as I hold NightHaze's hands, my own anxiety growing as I watch the heart monitor. It's erratic pace seems to have slowed down a bit, as the Beta-Blockers and Serotonin start to work. When NightHaze's heart rate has steadied, evened out to a rate where the doctors can stop rushing around in a panic, there's only one doctor who remains as the others file out.

He hands me a small remote, patting the back of my hand comfortingly. My chest is tight, my throat feels like it's closing up, and I feel like I can't breathe. I look up, and the doctor offers me a kind smile.

"Press the button if anything goes wrong, and we'll be in here as soon as possible." I nod, and he leaves the room, the door closing with a soft clack behind him. I squeeze NightHaze's hand. His expression is calm, soft, but there's still evidence of his tear tracks.

The scrape on his elbow and knee is from where he fell, as is the bruising of his ribs and side. I reach out with a trembling hand, stroking my thumb across his cheekbone, and a soft sigh escapes NightHaze's lips.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "I'm so, so sorry."

~

Everything's dark, quiet. It's hard to tell what's going on. I don't remember much of what happened. I remember feeling scared, running and falling. I remember hearing someone calling my name with anguish, with desperation.

Despite the fearful tone of that voice, it brought so much comfort to me. It brought warmth, happiness, love. I wanted to cling onto it, that warmth, that light in the darkness that surrounded me. I couldn't move my limbs, they felt weighed down with lead. The voice. I wanted to hold onto it. But... it just slipped through my fingers like water.

Just like the voice that's starting to fade away, I feel myself disappearing too.

~

It's my fault. It's my fault. I glance over constantly at the heart monitor as I pace the room, hands tightly clasped behind my back, trying to keep myself as calm as I can. I can feel my body trembling. I'm so mad, so mad at myself, so mad at everything that I said and did.

I was insensitive, impatient. I knew exactly what NightHaze needed, and I gave him what triggered his anxiety and his heart rate to increase. The door suddenly flies open, and I whirl around, panicked, expecting to see doctors rushing in, yelling orders at each other, but instead, it's Kaito and Kaede who burst through. They stare at me, before their eyes flicker down to NightHaze, and back to me.

"I..." I start, but I end up unable to speak. I sink to the floor on my knees and bury my face in my hands. I hear Kaito and Kaede shifting closer, and they both crouch, pulling me in briefly for a hug.

"He's stubborn, and you've always known that. We've always known that." Kaede speaks softly. His voice sounds choked. I shake my head.

"I yelled at him."

"There are times when push comes to shove," Kaito says, rubbing my back as I feel myself tremble. "You both have limits to your patience. I know you try your hardest to give NightHaze what he wants, and you've done incredible. But there's a point where things get to be too much, and one of you break."

"All along, I was so worried that NightHaze was the one who was weak." I say, forcing the words past the lump in my throat. "But in reality, the one who's weak is me." Kaede helps me to get back to my feet. I feel so utterly drained. Kaito pads over to where NightHaze is laying, eyes flickering up to the heart monitor.

"He looks to fragile." Kaito whispers. Kaede helps me sit back in the chair I'd been sitting in, and my eyes catch a glimpse of the time on his watch. I'd been pacing for over seven hours. It's nine in the evening. I rub a hand across my face, hearing Kaito and Kaede's hushed whispers, the steady beep beep of the heart monitor.

"He's so young." I groan, resisting the urge to pull at my hair.

"We're all young." Kaede says, resting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "We're all going to share the same pain, we've all known him our entire lives."

I glance at NightHaze's sleeping face. He looks much younger than he actually is, nineteen, and the guilt in me only builds. Kaede and I are twenty, and Kaito's just turned nineteen - but we've all grown up together. We know each other inside and out, and when we all learned of NightHaze's illness, it hurt us all.

The doctor's voice reverberates through my head, from the first appointment we made, to try and see if there was some type of medication, or cure. There wasn't.

"We'll come back tomorrow," Kaito says, coming over to hug me briefly, before Kaede takes his place.

"Stay strong, for all of us." Kaede murmurs. I nod, and reach out to grasp NightHaze's hand again. It's cold. My eyes instinctively flick up to the heart monitor, my panic ebbing as I see it's still moving.

"I'll try." I swallow thickly. The two of them bid me goodbye, pressing a soft kiss to NightHaze's forehead before they slip through the door. The room's dark now, and I flick on the lamp beside NightHaze's sleeping figure.

It illuminates his features, soft and tired, and I lean over him, pressing a kiss to his lips, before I bury my head in the covers next to him, the dam finally breaking.

~

I can hear someone. The voice, it's the same. It's sad, somber, and I can hear that they're crying. My name spills from their lips, along with endless apologies. I want to know why. Why are they so sad? Why do they seem so... angry? Angry at themselves? At me?

It scares me. I want to reassure them. I'm okay. I think.

I still can't move my fingers, or my arms, my legs. My eyes remain shut, and I can hear my heartbeat, thump, thump, thump, in my ears. It's still dark. It's still scary. I still remember the voice, calling out in anguish, my name, several times over and over again.

Now, it's just endless apologies. I want to reach out, to comfort them, to hold them, to hug them. But I can't.

But, I can feel it - my conscience. It's... fading. The voice, the voice is gone. I can't hear anything else but white noise. And then?

Nothing.

~

I jerk awake, panic flooding through my veins as I realize I fell asleep. My eyes instinctively go to NightHaze's face. He's still. His hands are cold. I gasp, my head whipping up to stare at the heart monitor, just as it flatlines.

I fall backwards, collapsing from the chair and onto the ground, scrambling to my feet to try and escape to the opposite side of the room, my own breathing picking up as the machine lets out a screeching noise, signaling that the patient was lost.

I stumble back over to where he's laying, and press my fingers to his pulse, my ear to his heart. There's nothing. He's dead. NightHaze is dead, and it's all my fault.

If only I hadn't been so stupid. If only I hadn't yelled. If only I'd kept him first. If only I hadn't gotten impatient. He'd still be alive, standing here before me, laughing and smiling. I'm so, so, so stupid. I hate myself. It's my fault that my lover is dead. Not only was he my lover, but he was a childhood friend, someone I grew up with. Kaito, Kaede, NightHaze, we were all so close.

And now?

We've lost him. All because of me.

The door to the room bursts open again, and two doctors come rushing in, and I collapse to the ground, sobbing. One rushes over to NightHaze, and the other hurries over to me, crouching and placing a hand on my shoulder as I shake. I can't stop the tears that flood from my eyes, the sobs that wrack my

"It's my fault, it's my fault," I cry, my breath hitching on every word. The door clicks again, and the doctor helps me to stand. I look up, just as Kaede steps in. He takes one look at my face, at the two doctors, and his expression crumbles. He bites his lower lip, and opens his arms, and I stumble towards him. He embraces me tightly, and I can feel a tremor run through his body.

"It's my fault." I sob. "If I hadn't yelled at him.... If only... I never... I never got to say I was sorry. I never got to say goodbye. I'll never find a way to stop my heart from crying."

Well. Due to the server change, I was unable to update this yesterday. However, I did write a ficlet for yesterday, and I'll post it today along with another one. You can see / have proof that I wrote it yesterday ^^;

https://i.postimg.cc/CxPmY141/Screen-Shot-2019-04-15-at-22-31-35.png

https://i.postimg.cc/fyDxYnvp/Screen-Shot-2019-04-15-at-22-31-46.png

NightHaze

Touma

Kaito

NightHaze

Kaede

Touma (he can't even eat a single hot cheeto without feeling like his mouth has been set on fire)

Touma

Kaede

Kaito

-

-

-

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NightHaze

Touma

Kaede

Kaito

NightHaze (what's a phone?)

NightHaze (any surprise there?)

Kaito

Touma

Kaede

NightHaze - from being either brash or rude

Touma.

A dog passing by? Yep.

A stray cat walking along a fence? No doubt about it.

A bird flying overhead. In awe.

A building? Beautiful.

A tree? Gorgeous.

A person? ....... He has NightHaze for that and he's totally enamored ;)

A goldfish? Sure thing.

I was thinking that he could be very creative and artistic. Naturally gifted in art and music.

Uh, probably a secret model, lmao.

Photographer. It fits him :3

Author/writer, he's my little bookworm *^*

Touma, probably. He's the most cheerful and most fun one out of the four. Sorry guys. NightHaze would probably just brood and find something to meddle/mess/demolish, Kaito would be having a silent anxiety and panic attack, and Kaede would also be panicking, rattling off all the possible ways we could be saved, and ways we could die.

......

.......

.........

...........

How dare you ask me that question? The only one who's dying today will be you for even suggesting that----

I'll let you guess who is who:

- happy-go-lucky

- stubborn

- intelligent

- anxious

Kaito: Wow. The plot thickens.

Kaito: Didn't even know you had a plot.

Touma: No kidding ;-;

~

Touma, on a sugar high: i'M a PrICkLy PeAR :V

*hugs/tries to eat a cactus*

Touma, with cactus needles all in his fur and part of the cactus in his mouth: i'm A pRIcKLY pEaR 8VVV

i don't even know. I'm tired <.>

Letting out an inhuman squawk, I leap back, both hands covering my mouth, cheeks flaring the brightest red possible. A pair of eyes stares at me, wide eyed, bewildered, hurt. I panic as he shifts closer.

"B-back!" I stammer, holding a single hand out, avoiding making eye contact. This was so incredibly awkward. I hated it. My brain was a mess of jumbled thoughts and words, and I blushed as the memory and sensation of our lips brushing ran through my head.

"I'm sorry." I mumble, and stand up abruptly, the chair clattering to the ground, and bolted for the door.

As soon as I'd run out of the apartment and into mine next door, I slammed the door closed and darted into the living room where I face planted into the couch and screamed.

"That was aggressive." With a startled shout, I jerk my head up to see Kaede standing above me, a concerned look etched onto his face.

"Kaedeee," I wail. Kaede arches a brow, and hops over the back of the couch to sit by my feet.

"What happened?"