"I'm sorry I wasn't here but why are you shaking so badly!?" I said worried "were you that scared that I wasn't right behind you?" I asked more focused on her than what happened to me. My brothers got a clear glimpse of what it was to be selfless and put others before you. But in this case they were clearly confused because I was dodging a question. I sighed, I was their current role model so I had to be straightforward.
"I had a PTSD episode and had to stay back until I calmed down so I wouldn't accidentally hurt myself while flying. My parents sent the twins with me so if something happened they could get help," I explained not being able to look her in the eyes. I rubbed her back because she was clearly going through a lot but I was going to be there for her and ignore my own current needs because I was still a little jumpy and shaky from the episode. I glanced at her father to read his expression but look away not being able to look anyone in the eyes. I felt like the reason she was shaking this badly was because of me.

Tears threatened to fall again as Tobey explained what had happened. "Im so so so sorry!" I said though it sounded more like i was crying. "Im so sorry," I breathed, on purposely not answering his questions about me. Even if i was comfortable telling him, the twins were here and i couldn't have them know. I couldn't have them see me as a monster and go telling thier mom. What if she found out? She would probably hate me and would never trust me. Not that i trusted myself anyway. I would literally ruin everything that me and Tobey had made together. I glanced at father again for some reason and he seemed like he didn't care about Tobey's problems. He did seem like he was trying to tell me to tell Tobey but i couldn't. "H-hey are you hungry? Its almost lunch time and i know this amazing food place...."

"your avoiding my question," I said putting my hand on her cheek I was worried but glad the twins were keeping quiet about how I got the attack. If she found out it was her fault I would break her, I couldn't put more stress onto her. I paused with a sigh "if you want we can get lunch but I haven't had lunch since I was 8 because it took too much time and my Pa needed me on the farm so I had to adjust to only eating breakfast and dinner," I explained "I'm pretty sure the twins could go for a snack but Pa is probably training their gut to handle skipping out on lunch right now," I said turning to them and they nodded.

A tear rolled down my face, "I know im avoiding your question, but your more important right now. I-ill get over my problem." I then paused for a second, "I probably wouldn't even keep the food down...But lunch is overrated anyway." I wanted to cry as i glanced at the twins then back at Tobey. I couldn't let them know, i just couldn't. "If i told you, it would just make things worse. You have to trust me on this. I might tell you, once were safely from here and no one eles is here but right now....I just cant." I said, my legs threatening to give out again. I remembered Tobey saying he was a violent person and if he knew what Tjorvi did on a regular basis? Let's just say he most likely wouldn't be alive anymore. Besides i had already hurt him enough. So, in a way, not telling him was better...right?

"to me your the most important thing right now because are technically in a safe space and shaking like you saw the devil," I said getting down in my knee so she couldn't avoid my gaze by looking down. "Kaolin I love you, and I hate seeing you so shaken up like this. I will do whatever you tell me to do, I will listen to what ever you say without judgement, and I want you to know I'm here for you no matter what you do or what has happened to you. I will always be here for you," I said putting my hand on her cheek.

I looked down but Tobey knew the drill and got on his knee. I gritted my teeth, i wouldve normally broke down and told him....but the twins... Another tear rolled down my cheek. "Tobey....I cant have more people hating me. Im not saying you though." I said, trying to give him a hint without the twins knowing. I would hate for the twins to be suspicious of me. That's when my leg gave out and i came gently falling to the ground beside Tobey on my knees. I pressed into him as tears began to flow more rapidly.

I turned to them and they nodded closing the door. "They are quite literally reading stories of the stuff I've done and you probably know how bad those are." I said holding her and preventing her from hurting her knees. I hugged her in a tight embrace, it was comforting for me and helped all my issues go away with the reassurance. Now all of my focus was quite literally on her, "it's just us and your dad now, if you need a bit to try an calm down you can," I said as a I just hugged her.

I let myself actually cry after the twins left. I knew i was safe now, and i could talk. I loved the tight hug, for some reason it felt like a tight space that was forever safe. After a couple of seconds of enjoying the hug i spoke though i wasnt sure how cleae it was because i was quite literally balling. "I was going to come back once i saw you weren't behind me but my rival, the one who challenges me, the one i told you about, distracted me. We fought for a while but even though i took a nap im still tired so he won. He has a way with words- I managed to get my sword back and hit him in the ankles." I laughed slightly even though i was still crying, "And jumped back like a baby. But anyways i was mad because of his words and the anger took control and...." I began to cry louder than i had ever done in my life, "I almost killed him! Ill never forget his screaming." I on purposely put a small filter on my words so Tobey didn't know what he said and wouldn't get mad again. I just couldn't deal with that right now.

I sat and listened, I could feel myself fuming a bit but I was able to contain it. I just cared she was okay right now, I would definitely go teach him a lesson if she let me. "As long as you are safe right now that is all I care about, I could care less about the guy that attacked you as long as you are currently safe." I paused "but I am going to ask you this, would you at least let me teach him a lesson?" I asked "more or less scare him to death," I said "I wouldn't fatally wound him but he needs to know that he shouldn't mess with the wrong people. Clearly no one has completely bested him yet so he pushes everyone around, I want to be the one to make reality and karma punch him in the face at the same time, literally and figuratively," I said

It would was nice to think about teaching Tjorvi a lesson but Tobey didn't understand why i was so upset. "That's not the reason im upset! Im used to his words more or less, the problem is i almost killed him! Killing is against the law here, i could've been executed or kicked out which neither i want! Not to mention i cant live with that guilt like you can! Hes hurt badly enough, i don't want to to scare him anymore than he is. You should've heard his scream. It was desperate, it's literally like i used to feel when i was little. Just wanting a little hope, but no one thinking your worth it!" My father's eyes widened, "What?! Me and your mother fought for you to live!" I began to cry more, "I know but it seemed like i was just a burden!" His face softened, "Im so sorry Kaolin....Me and your mother really did try our best." I held Tobey tigher and mumbled, "I know."