Leroy: Hey, Aries? Can I get some dating advice?
Gwyar: Just because I’m with Calvin doesn’t mean I know how that happened.
--
Leroy: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?
Gwyar: How am I supposed to know?
Calvin: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.
Gwyar: *sighs*
Gwyar: You wouldn't be trapped.
--
Leroy: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Gwyar: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.
Calvin: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.
Gwyar: Good thinking.
--
Leroy: WHY. why did you give Calvin a KNIFE?!
Gwyar: I’m sorry. They said they felt unsafe.
Leroy: Now I feel unsafe!
Gwyar: I’m sorry.
Gwyar: ... would you like a knife?
--
Leroy: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.
Gwyar: You people already know too much about me.
Calvin: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.
--
Leroy: What do you think Gwyar will do for a distraction?
Calvin: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.
*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*
Calvin: ... or they could do that.
--
Leroy: Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me
Gwyar: Okay, but in my defense, Calvin bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.
Leroy: That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!
--
*The group is getting into the car*
Leroy: I’m driving.
Gwyar, out of view: Shotgun!
Calvin, turning to face Gwyar: Aww! But you had it on the way here-
Everyone except Gwyar: WOAH-
Gwyar, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*
--
Leroy: We need to get through this locked door. Aries, give me your credit card.
Gwyar: Here.
Leroy, pocketing it: Thanks. Calvin, kick down the door.
--
Leroy: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Aries?
Gwyar: … No.
Calvin: I do!
Leroy: I know, Calvin.
Calvin: I’m sad!
Leroy: I know, Calvin.
--
*The squad is talking about what it'd be like to open up a homemade Pokemon gym*
Leroy, joking: Aries’s just sitting at the end, juggling- fushigi-ing 2 glass balls, in super tight pants, just waiting for their kid delivery once they best their minions.
Gwyar: Well they would be Pokeballs. And also there’s not a kid delivery. There's no fucking guarantee that a kid that comes into the beginning of my crucible gets to the end undefeated.
Gwyar: In fact, I'm gonna stack this gym! With fuckin pros!
Gwyar: This's- This’s gonna be brutal. Gonna be a torture gym.
Calvin: Well- Well what's the theme? Are you like- is it a bug theme, or like-
Gwyar: YEAH, CALVIN. UH- UH- UH- UH YEAH CALVIN. I'M GONNA OPEN UP A BUG TYPE POKEMON GYM. YOU IDIOT.
Gwyar: YEAH THAT'S WHAT I WANT, BECAUSE I WANNA GIVE- I WANNA SHIT OUT BADGES FOR EVERY HAM AND EGGER THAT COMES TO MY FRONT DOOR.
Leroy: *Cracking up*
Gwyar: YEAH, CALVIN. 'Uhh, go Caterpie! >~>' That's me, you FUCKING imbecile. 'Yeah go- uhhh- d-do your best, Kakuna!'
Gwyar: WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING TALKING ABOU- Yeah a ~bug type~ gym.
Calvin:
Leroy: Okaaay-
Calvin: Alright, um, I'm gonna go. I've embarrassed myself...
Leroy: Maybe fire? Fire type?
Calvin: Yeah fire-based? Like- have fires?
Gwyar: Yeah, yeah I'll probably just- That's a good idea Leroy I'll probably just do a fire type one... SO THAT ONE KID WITH ONE BLASTOISE CAN FUCK UP MY WHOLE SHOP.
Gwyar: KILLED ALL OF US WITH ONE BLASTOISE, HUH? WOW. SHIT I SHOULD'VE-
Calvin: Just do rock, then! Just do rock type!
Gwyar, voice dripping with contempt: The same Blastoise…
--
Calvin: Are you sure this is the right direction?
Leroy: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!
Gwyar: In that case, we're definitely lost.
--
Calvin: How do I deal with my enemies?
Gwyar: Kill them
Calvin: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution
Gwyar: Kill them only a little?
--
Calvin: So are we flirting right now?
Gwyar: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU
Calvin: That doesn’t answer my question
--
Gwyar: Sorry took me so long to bail you out of jail
Calvin: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t’ve used my one phone call to prank call the police
--
Leroy: *Walking in to a room* Sorry I’m late... I was... doing things.
*Sounds of running footsteps progressively getting louder*
Gwyar: *Out of breath* THEY PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKIN’ STAIRS.
--
Calvin: So that’s my plan.
Gwyar: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.
Calvin: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.
Gwyar: That fucking sucks.
Calvin: That’s not constructive criticism.
--
Gwyar: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Leroy: I think you mean cards.
Gwyar, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.
--
Calvin: Where are you going?
Gwyar: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there
--
Tyler: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!
Gwyar: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!
--
Calvin: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?
Gwyar: Stop romanticizing the past.
--
Calvin: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Gwyar:
Gwyar: Calvin, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Calvin: *Sips coffee from bowl*
--
Calvin: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Gwyar: *chugs entire bottle*
Gwyar: Perfume.
--
Calvin, going over Gwyar's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Gwyar: Yes
Calvin: Okay... may I know what you create?
Gwyar: Problems.
--
Calvin: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Gwyar: That's why I carry two swords.
--
Calvin: Aries...
Gwyar: Oh no, ‘Aries’ in b-flat.
Gwyar: You're disappointed.
--
Leroy: What the fuck is wrong with you?!
Gwyar: Wow, you could start with a 'good morning'.
Leroy: Good morning. What the fuck is wrong with you?!
--
*Gwyar and Leroy are doing something absurdly dangerous*
Gwyar: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!
Leroy, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.
--
Calvin: Aries... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Gwyar: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Calvin:
Calvin: I wrote sanitize, Aries.
--
Calvin: You love me, right, Gwyar?
Gwyar: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like that.
--
Calvin, pointing: May I sit there?
Gwyar: That's my lap
Calvin: That doesn't answer my question, Aries.
--
Leroy: Go to Hell
Gwyar, tearing up: I wish I could
--
Leroy: You often use humor to deflect trauma
Gwyar/Calvin: Thank you
Leroy: I didn't say that was a good thing
Gwyar/Calvin: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny
--
Calvin, trying to cheer the group up: Things could be worse, you know!
Gwyar: How?
Calvin: How what?
Gwyar: How could they be worse?
Calvin: They couldn’t, I lied.
Gwyar:
--
Calvin: Okay, truth or dare?
Gwyar: Truth
Calvin: How many hours have you slept this week?
Gwyar:
Gwyar: ...Dare
Calvin: Go to bed.
Gwyar: I don’t like this game.
--
Gwyar: I prevented a murder today.
Calvin: Really? How’d you do that?
Gwyar: self control.
--
Calvin: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Gwyar: You mean literally or figuratively?
Calvin: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...
--
Calvin: So what do you do?
Gwyar: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers.
Calvin: Wow, impressive.
Gwyar: Then I'll move on to Leos.
--
Calvin: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.
Gwyar: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.
--
Calvin: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
Gwyar: I wake up at 4:30 AM
Calvin:
Calvin: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives
--
Calvin: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Gwyar: Killed without hesitation.
Calvin: No.
--
Calvin: Welcome, fellow idiots
Gwyar: Hello, Calvin
Calvin: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot
Gwyar: You underestimate me
--
Calvin: Here's some advice
Gwyar: I didn't ask for any
Calvin: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me
--
*Calvin and Gwyar skipping stones on lake*
Calvin: It’s such a beautiful evening.
Gwyar, whispering: Take that you fucking lake
--
Calvin: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.
Gwyar: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.
Calvin: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?
--
Calvin: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.
Gwyar: Only if you also don't ask why
Gwyar: *Pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* Take your pick.
Calvin:
Gwyar:
Calvin: This one is fine
--
Calvin: Hey Aries can I get a sip of your water?
Gwyar: Not water.
Calvin: Vodka, I like your style!
Gwyar: This’s vinegar.
Calvin: Wh-Wha-
Gwyar: This’s vinegar, COWARD.
--
Gwyar: I'm a reverse necromancer.
Calvin: Isn't that just killing people?
Gwyar: Ah, technicality.
Winter 
Night Weather: 
