Wolf Play : A Mystery of Choices | Discussion
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 Whispering Rain
04:32:58 Whisp, Rain
Pug
True. Maybe I will do that if I can figure it out.
 Purgatory
04:32:08 Purge/Purse/Pug
Whisp
It couldn't hurt to add it even if it is already in there
 Amygdala
04:29:11 Amy/Anpmygdala
By cy
 Whispering Rain
04:29:08 Whisp, Rain
Pug
Are you sure that's not suggested somewhere because that would be a great idea.
Also i dont really know how.
 Crypto Currency
04:28:46 Ash (he/they)
anyway, imma poof y'all. see ya later :)
 Crypto Currency
04:28:06 Ash (he/they)
Whisper, I would support it too
 Crypto Currency
04:27:53 Ash (he/they)
Amy, no fair >.>
 Purgatory
04:27:50 Purge/Purse/Pug
Whisp
If you made that an official suggestion in forums I'd so support that
 Amygdala
04:27:40 Amy/Anpmygdala
Cy
It happens...i am at 5600 dom at the moment XD
 Whispering Rain
04:27:29 Whisp, Rain
I wish custom maker showed already applied gear or let you apply multiple gear.
 Crypto Currency
04:26:41 Ash (he/they)
Amy, my dom sucks right now. used to me 2500+, then loads of my wolves (and will to add dom) died
 Amygdala
04:26:07 Amy/Anpmygdala
Cy
Yup XD
 Crypto Currency
04:24:47 Ash (he/they)
Amy, Mr. Viper :o
you won, yes?
 ~♥Nux♥~
04:24:34 Chat's snack
See ya, Spoops!
 ~♥Nux♥~
04:24:18 Chat's snack
Spoops

I have only ever bred one SV, and I retired it because it was a HM defect and the rarity was... shit to say the least. But axanthics are like, the best defect >:^
 TheFlyingKitten
04:23:57 Petri Dish/Sorceress
My cat is ripping her fur out and I am THIS close to buying a cone to stop it, because I do not have the funds to take her to a behavioral therapist.
 Continental Wolves
04:23:49 Emmet , Spoopy Wolf
Welp time to poof for work, bye chat
 Amygdala
04:23:49 Amy/Anpmygdala
Cy
Lmao look who i just met
-Click-
 Hallow's Eve
04:23:47 Hallow, Eve
Y'all got some good luck with the breeding gamble
 Continental Wolves
04:22:34 Emmet , Spoopy Wolf
Nux
Literally, Im flooded with SV's and getting pelt defects I dont breed for >.>

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   A Mystery of Choices | DiscussionJanuary 5, 2022 10:26 AM


Lost Memories

Neutral
 
Posts: 9168
#2685929
Give Award
Enjoy the over-protective boy. Also, you can see some more of his past now :D

Leroy

How does your character feel about their own physical appearance?

He doesn't care. He tries to stay fit, but other than that, he doesn't pay attention to it.

How is your character react in social situations where they're forced to be around strangers? What about friends?

He just kinda avoids people if he can, he'll occasionally talk... if he has to.

With friends, he typically just acts overprotective and sarcastic.

Are they good at expressing their emotions or more stoic?

Depends on the emotion.

When was the last time they cried?

With Nabih, but before that not since his brother died

Where do they fall on the scale of introversion and extroversion?

Right in the middle

What is their outlook on life like?

It's pretty much just a disappointment altogether.

Do they have a life philosophy?

"By losing someone you care about, you lose a part of yourself. Protect them with all you have, and, in turn, you will protect yourself."

What is their alignment (ie. Good, true neutral, chaotic evil)?

Chaotic good

Do they have certain words or phrases they use frequently? (ie. "Hmmm. Fuck.")

Not really, he does cuss a lot though

How do they handle stress?

Anger.

Where do they like to go to unwind?

Somewhere alone, preferably somewhere with a punching bag

How adaptable are they to new situations?

Depends on the situation. He usually likes to map everything out and figure out the best options.

When was the last time they told a lie? Do they have a bad opinion of liars?

Recently. Yes, he doesn't like liars generally, but he can understand some lies.

Do they make promises? Have they ever broken a promise?

Yes, he makes promises, and not so far.

What annoying or bad habits do they have?

He kinda automatically lashes out at people when they're just trying to discuss something Leroy dislikes, or sometimes just when he's tired or nervous.

Are they prejudiced towards certain groups of people?

Haha, yep. Mainly people he sees as self-obsessed. Also Val. Very much Val.

What's their sense of humor like?

It differs, but usually, it includes lightly nudging someone over a joke or something.

What makes them sad? *cue the sad puppy commercials*

Seeing people he cares about hurt

What gets on their nerves?

Disrespect of any sort, especially towards those he cares about

What things do they like or obsess over?

Protecting people

Nabih?

What's the thing (physical or abstract) they want more than anything else?

Abstract: Probably safety. Mainly for those he cares about

Physical: Uh... Nabih?

When was their first kiss?

Hasn't happened (Nabih?)

How did their first relationship end?

He hasn't had a relationship yet

Have they ever been in love?

NaBiH?

Have they ever had their heart broken?

Sure, though not from romance.

How do they flirt?

Badly. Dropping bad hints, a compliment or two, giving gifts-

How do they display affection differently to their friends, families, and romantic interests?

PrOtEcT

Do they get jealous?

Absolutely. Very. Easy.

He's not possessive, but he'll probably get a little grumpy and passive if someone he likes is talking to someone else in a way he perceives as flirtatious or romantic

How do they react to rejection?

He doesn't want to hurt whoever it is, so he probably just leaves as soon as possible so he can beat up a poor punching bag.

How do they react if someone they aren't particularly interested in expresses interest in them?

????

What the fuck do I do? This is not okay.

How confident are they (with relationships or otherwise?)

He acts very confidently, but he's actually very insecure.

Are they forgiving or do they hold grudges?

Grudges all the way. You do something to him once, you better believe he's gonna remember it.

Do they believe in redemption?

Sometimes. Very hesitantly.

What's their reputation like? Is it different in different circles? Do they like their reputation or would they like to be perceived differently?

To most, he seems like a scary, mean bully, but to those who know him, he's actually really kind and protective.

More bark than bite.

Do they like to think on their feet or plan ahead?

Plan ahead. Unless someone he cares about is in danger, he always has a plan.

Do they struggle with impulsiveness?

Yep. He's very impulsive, he'll often say things he later regrets on instinct, and he'll react in anger as a defense.

Do they have any nervous ticks?

Not really

What are their most positive and negative character traits? What about their most prominent character traits?

Positive: Protective

Negative: Also protective

Prominent: Loud?

Do they have any regrets in life? What do they feel most guilty about?

Yes, several. The one he feels most guilty about is his brothers' death.

What achievement are they most proud of?

He's got a lot of achievements, mostly academically, but he's not really proud of them. They always felt worthless, like he was forced into it in the first place, so what's the point if he doesn't care about what he's doing?

What is their first memory?

That's something he'd rather keep to himself-

Their fondest memory?

Anything involving all of his siblings. Except for his brothers' death.

Their worst memory?

His brothers' death.

What smells remind them of the past?

Alcohol, blood, smoke, strawberry soap, and old books.

What's the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?

Probably his siblings being happy.

What are their greatest fears, both physical and abstract?

Physical: Losing those he loves

Abstract: Agoraphobia- Fear of losing control

What are their goals or ambitions?

Just keep everyone he loves safe, make sure they're happy and unharmed.

Do they have a fatal weakness?

His over-protectiveness, probably. He'd do absolutely anything for those he cares about.

How do they react to criticism, praise, or other judgments cast on them?

For praise, Leroy can act prideful and a little bitchy, but in reality, he's doubtful.

For both criticism and judgment, Leroy is sarcastic and annoyed, he also acts angry about it sometimes.

Are they competitive? How so?

Hahahahahaha, yes. Very much so.

He's competitive in literally everything, he feels like he has to be the best or he's not good enough. It's how he was raised.

Has anyone ever saved their life?

No. He saves other people, not vise versa. If it was, there would be a lot of guilt on his part.

What things are they very opinionated about?

Equality mainly.

Oh, and his favorite book characters. He will fight you about this.

How do they respond to threats and conflict?

Usually with anger

Are they trusting of strangers? What about friends?

Nope. He doesn't trust anyone he doesn't know.

As for friends? Sometimes. Hesitantly.

How do they defend themselves weapon-wise?

Hand-to-hand combat is his specialty, he's great in fistfights. However, he knows how to use a knife too.

Do they have any special skills or training?

No. Unless you count dodging beer bottles as training.

What causes, people, or ideas, would they put their lives on the line for?

Literally, anyone who he cares about or can't help themselves. Also equality.

How do they treat their hierarchical superiors/inferiors?

Ha! Superiors? No. Never.

If someone is stupid and cocky enough to think that they are above him, or someone else, Leroy won't hesitate to knock some sense into them.

As for inferiors, Leroy doesn't see anyone as inferior. He just helps those who can't or won't help themselves. If he can help them with confidence, he will. If he can't, they are going to be under his protection until they learn that they're worthy.

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

His anger.

Leroy hates exploding, and he hates that his first instinct is to lash out. It reminds him of his father, and he fears he'll hurt someone on accident because of this.

Do they have family? If so, what is the nature of their relationship and how do they feel about their family members?

Yes, unfortunately. Let's just go down the list of living members, shall we?

His sisters: Leroy absolutely adores these two. He practically raised them and he's pledged to find them again one day and continue to protect them. He only regrets them getting taken away from him.

His mother: Leroy doesn't really know her, honestly. She hasn't been present most of his life, and, when she is, it's never a good interaction. She was almost always smoking, and it was obvious she hated him, calling him a failure and a mistake. He dislikes her, but also pities her in a way, he doesn't doubt that she was just a pretty girl who was dragged into a relationship with an unloving man. He also doesn't doubt that she truly believes he and his siblings shouldn't have been born. He'll never forgive her for her mistakes, but he doesn't fully blame her either.

His father: Ah. This bitch. The one that was constantly drunk. The abusive one that gave him a scar and blind eye. The one that pushed him to and past his limits, trying to make Leroy perfect despite sitting on his own ass all day doing nothing but drinking and gambling. The one who saw his eight-year-old son as a toy when he came home drunk and his wife was gone. The one Leroy tried so desperately to shield his siblings from and was probably the reason Roman had been so mentally unstable. Yep. That one. Leroy hates him with a passion. If he could kill him, he would.

How do they treat their friends?

He's very over-protective of them and always tries to make sure they're safe. He can be sarcastic and loud with them, but if he sees they need help he'll step down and try to help them in any way possible, even if emotions aren't his strong suit.

Do they have a nemesis? How have they made enemies in the past?

His parents?

Leroy doesn't make enemies. If someone's his enemy it's because they tried to hurt him or someone he cares about. Not the other way around.

What kind of people do they get along with naturally? What unlikely people do they count as allies?

Leroy pretty naturally gets along with people who may be considered the underdogs. The people who struggle to take care of themselves, or who can't. They tend to be drawn to him because he's a protective presence and he to them because they're someone he can protect.

Literally everyone in the group except Axel.

What was your character's background like? How have they developed personality-wise from childhood?

Bad. Leroy had to grow up at a very young age because of the pressure his father put on him as well as his siblings. He was raising three kids while also taking all advanced classes and dealing with physical and mental abuse from his father.

To put it simply, this caused Leroy to learn how to hide.

What is the worst thing they've done to someone they loved? What about an enemy?

Loved: Failed to protect them

Enemy: Uh... 'unlived' them? Well, almost. He didn't kill the guy, just put him in the hospital for a... long while. Don't mess with his sisters :)

What's their personal moral code?

Protect those who need it with everything you have. No matter what.

Were they ever bullied (or have they bullied others?)

No and no. As much as he may seem like a bully at times, he would never beat someone down or try to make them feel bad for who they are or what they do. No one deserves that.

If they could travel back in time, what event would they alter?

His brothers' death.

What would they ask a fortune-teller?

"Do I succeed in protecting my friends? Are they safe?"

What advice would they give their younger self?

"Save your brother. No matter what. He may seem okay, but he's not. Save him. Do anything you have to. Please save him."

What do they love to hate?

His parents and anyone who dares to even get close to those he cares about.

Where do they go when they’re angry?

He takes out his anger by shouting usually, and punching something if he can (don't worry, it's usually a punching bag)

What is their current occupation? And do they like their job?

Protecting the group. Or, that's what he believes.

What are some of their past jobs?

He practically raised his siblings, does that count?

Do they have a talent?

Yeah, sure. He has many. A few include fighting, planning, and building things (machines and such)

What is their educational background? Are they more intelligent than average?

He went to a private school for a while, but by the start of high school, he was attending public school. He's above-average intelligence, and, for the most part, that wasn't his choice.

What's their ideal life that they would be happy living?

Somewhere safe. With his brother, sister, and friends all safe and happy.

What possessions do they use daily?

The normal stuff?

What possessions do they value?

Old pictures and old letters. All from his siblings. He also keeps his knife close.

Do they believe in the afterlife?

Well... His brother did, and, though he honestly didn't before, he... he likes to think it's real. He likes to believe it's as beautiful as his brother wished.

What are their religious views?

He has none, he doesn't care to.

How would they like to die?

Any way that involved protecting those he cares about. If he's going to die, he's going to save someone he loves doing so.

What is their zodiac sign? Enneagram sign?

Zodiac: Sagittarius (December 1st)

Enneagram: Eight (Challenger/Leader)

What are their eating habits?

He eats very healthily most of the time. That's really all there is to say.

What's their living space like?

Uh... Big and typically spotless. Imperfection wasn't excepted in his childhood.

Do they like to party? *tunes lute*

He doesn't mind a party every once in a while, but he typically only goes if there are people he knows there (and he mainly goes to protect them-)

Ale or wine (or water)?

If he had to choose, he honestly likes wine. Typically, though he'll only drink when he's alone, and only in very small amounts.


Edited at January 5, 2022 10:27 AM by Lost Memories
   A Mystery of Choices | DiscussionJanuary 14, 2022 11:37 PM


Determined_Wolf

Lightbringer
 
Posts: 24922
#2691123
Give Award
(Sorry if this is a lot, messy, or missing things... ^^')

How does your character feel about their own physical appearance?

While Cal doesn’t dislike his appearance, he sure as hell hates his scars. It makes him feel weak. And how much weight he lost, going from someone with strong legs and a good upper body to a bean pole. Other than that, he is somewhat confident with his image.

How is your character react in social situations where they're forced to be around strangers? What about friends?

Cal just blends in naturally with others. He’s like a wild card in the sense that he just somehow gets along well with everyone. With friends though, he is much more excitable and happy, clinging to them whenever they’re around.

Are they good at expressing their emotions or more stoic?

Cal generally wears his heart on his sleeves, being very open about his feelings, but if they are negative emotions, he is much more stoic.

When was the last time they cried?

Almost two years ago. When he left his old home.

Where do they fall on the scale of introversion and extroversion?

Cal is about 60% energetic extrovert and 40% internal introvert.

What is their outlook on life like?

It sucks. He hates what the world is, but it is worth it to live in a God-awful place just for the few amazing people and things.

Do they have a life philosophy?

“Find those you can trust and keep them close and do whatever you can to protect them and yada yada. Just make sure they’re worth protecting first.”

What is their alignment (ie. Good, true neutral, chaotic evil)?

Chaotic Good

Do they have certain words or phrases they use frequently? (ie. "Hmmm. Fuck.")

“Helluva,” “Shithole,” “Helluva shithole,” and “Ahhhh lông bông quá! Con chó con dễ thương!!”

How do they handle stress?

Depending on the situation, Cal either handles it really well and uses his stress to push through work or getting something done or, alternatively, it backfires and anyone who talks to them might get yelled at.

Where do they like to go to unwind?

Usually a quiet place with some sort of background noise or that is high off the ground. Places like a building top, a library with a good pair of headphones to listen to songs, or even a bedroom with a small fan. Any place in private is a bonus if he can look through his science book.

How adaptable are they to new situations?

Cal is the kind of guy who can be thrown to a pack of wolves and somehow adapt to survive. New situations are better than old ones because they won’t bring back memories either.

When was the last time they told a lie? Do they have a bad opinion of liars?

Cal, despite not being the best liar a lot of the time, tends to be a compulsive liar. He doesn’t care if other people lie to him as well. He is just used to it.

Do they make promises? Have they ever broken a promise?

Cal makes promises to people he finds to be important in his life. Cal has not broken a single promise except the one he cared the most about: that he’d always be there for his friends when they needed him most.

What annoying or bad habits do they have?

Cal used to have the nervous habit of biting and picking at the skin around his nails or forgetting to eat when he gets hyper focused on working. Cal was at least able to drop the skin biting, covering up the skin with color bandages. Although, now he tends to bite his nails when he’s thinking or nervous.

Are they prejudiced towards certain groups of people?

There is always an immediate distrust from Cal towards anyone who likes to smoke, drink, or knows a lot about drugs. He doesn’t mind the drinking as much, but he still won’t trust them and is always watching them at a party just in case.

What's their sense of humor like?

Puns, cheesy pickup lines, dark humor, and loud, screaming things are all funny to Cal.

What makes them sad? *cue the sad puppy commercials*

Basically everything at this point. Smaller things that make him moderately sad are his hat, emotional video games, and a lot of Disney and Pixar movies. Ice cream is another one too.

What gets on their nerves?

People raising their tone at him, authoritative figures, others picking on people in need, someone weaker than them, or his friends.

What things do they like or obsess over?

Cal obsesses over any little gift he is given. From his leather jacket with the words ‘Science Rocks’ on the back to his hat, the science book to the Polaroid images tucked away safely inside of it, Cal would obsess over a piece of string if a friend gave it to him.

What's the thing (physical or abstract) they want more than anything else?

Cal, though he doesn’t act like it, desperately wants his friends and those close to him to like him. Although, his more physical desires are less important and more fun like a drum set or a camera.

When was their first kiss?

Cal pretends his first kiss was with his first and first grade girlfriend and later best friend, Rosa, it was actually when he was eight and in a back alley.

How did their first relationship end?

Rosa and Cal tried to be a couple because that’s what two friends who were a boy and girl had to be when they were younger. After a year or two, they realized they were just better as friends in a truly dumb moment. For what it is worth, Rosa is the only girl Cal ever truly felt strong feelings for.

Have they ever been in love?

Yes. Sadly.

Have they ever had their heart broken?

In what way? By family? Yeah. By friends? Even more so. In his love life? Only a few times but still way too much.

How do they flirt?

When flirting in a joking manner, Cal just uses his cheesy one liners and sex jokes, but when Cal is actually interested in someone, it is more subtle and gradually building at first. Your typical flirt at the bar kind of a thing. Oh and lots of teasing too.

How do they display affection differently to their friends, families, and romantic interests?

Well, for one, he hates his parents and grandparents so the most affection for them is basically a middle finger. For friends, he’ll do basically anything they ask him to, trying to get them sentimental gifts, baked goods he made himself, or anything he can think of whenever he thinks of it. Meanwhile, depending on what type of romantic relationship might depend on what happens. If it’s a fling, he might hold their hand in public or get small things but that’s it. If it’s real, then he will do everything for them. Literally.

Do they get jealous?

Cal is easily jealous of certain things. He is jealous of people who are good at things he is not or who are much better than him in his mind or, in extremely rare cases where he likes someone a lot, anyone who makes a move on his crush.

How do they react to rejection?

If Cal gets the courage to ask for something and gets rejected, he might get really quiet. It’ll be a mixture of just genuine sadness and unshakable frustration that makes him just want to leave for a quiet spot.

How do they react if someone they aren't particularly interested in expresses interest in them?

Cal just says yes. He’s too used to people asking him out and too tired to deny people anymore.

How confident are they (with relationships or otherwise?)

Very confident. Too confident.

Are they forgiving or do they hold grudges?

Cal can be forgiving if someone actually makes the effort to earn forgiveness. A cheap apology without any actual action will mean jack shit to Cal.

Do they believe in redemption?

Yes, but with limits. Everyone has the chance to change, but if they refuse to change there is no point to try and change their mind.

What's their reputation like? Is it different in different circles? Do they like their reputation or would they like to be perceived differently?

Being in multiple circles as the most social one in the group, he gets a lot of different reputations. In some groups, he is known a slut, a know-it-all, a kind guy, and the devil himself. He doesn’t really care what they think of them though. He might be the clown of the ANGSTVENGERS but their opinion is the only one he cares for.

Do they like to think on their feet or plan ahead?

Completely on his wobbly ass feet.

Do they struggle with impulsiveness?

Yes.

Do they have any nervous ticks?

He tends to bite his nails when he is nervous, play with his jacket, or rub the back of his neck. Eye contact is a no go as well as a few other stimming things.

What are their most positive and negative character traits? What about their most prominent character traits?

Positive: Protectiveness/loyalty and quickness to jump to help someone in need

Negative: His brashness and short temper with people he doesn’t trust

Prominent: Talkativeness?

Do they have any regrets in life? What do they feel most guilty about?

A few regrets, but Cal feels an overwhelming sense of guilt because of each and every one of them.

What achievement are they most proud of?

Winning first place at a race that he had trained a long time for and getting a scholarship at his original high school. Cal was gifted his famous leather jacket thanks to a friend after he won the race and though he didn’t get any memento from his scholarship, the money back from it was a huge relief. Until they moved and spent it all on booze and cigarettes.

What is their first memory?

When he was very little and it had just rained yesterday in New York City. The leaves on the trees were a brilliant, fiery color, the rocks in the park looked like mountains, and there were giant puddles Cal stepped in with his tiny yellow boats. He didn’t remember much outside of that, but apparently they went to a baseball game later where he got his signature hat. He doesn’t remember it happening, but he does have the photo in his book to prove it did happen.

Their fondest memory?

The day he won the race. Not just the race itself either. Everything that followed after, from the jacket, to the arcade, and to laser tag with Ben, Jackson, and his group… It was magical.

Their worst memory?

There are a lot of terrible memories he has but if he had to pick only one, it would be the party that ruined his life.

What smells remind them of the past?

Gunpowder, cigarettes, cheap pizza, and a gooey, sizzling grilled cheese sandwich.

What's the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?

There has been a lot of beauty in his life and as much as he hates to admit it, four guys in particular would be the most pretty, followed by New York, Ben’s backyard, the abandoned junkyard he hung out in as a kid with Olly, the meeting spot’s view at the golden hour, and dogs.

What are their greatest fears, both physical and abstract?

Guns and dark alleyways are big triggers for him. Food or drinks from strangers and even from some friends is a no as well. A more abstract fear of Cal’s is the fear of those he cares about leaving him, being alone, and the people ‘out to get him.’

What are their goals or ambitions?

One of Cal’s main goals is to go to college and get a good education. That and just to be happy with his friends.

Do they have a fatal weakness?

His stubbornness, aggression, carelessness, scatterbrain, and the list goes on and on…

How do they react to criticism, praise, or other judgments cast on them?

Cal is fine with most criticism as long as it’s construction. He might generally ignore it, not giving a shit what they think, but occasionally he’ll fix whatever the person complained about. Praise, on the other hand, makes Cal blush and smile like a madman. Anyone telling him that anything that he does is even mediocre is amazing to him. And finally, judgement will be met with a gentle middle finger and a polite ‘fuck off,’

Are they competitive? How so?

Absolutely. And games he plays with friends he plays to win. Especially with Evie. They both are competitive so it is good to have someone who will fight for victory. Even if she sadly wins a lot more than him…

Has anyone ever saved their life?

Yes. His parents have when he made an attempt on his own life. Lee and olly’s older brother have. An unintentional attempt. And Axel has.

What things are they very opinionated about?

Everything. He will fight about a random chip if someone gives him a reason to fight them. In all seriousness, he is particularly opinionated about religion, LGBTQA+ matters, diversity issues, prisoners’ rights, and women’s rights.

How do they respond to threats and conflict?

Cal will try to deescalate the situation at first, but if someone keeps attacking him, he won’t hesitate for long to fight back. Of course, if it is a threat that he has no power against, he will taunt them relentlessly.

Are they trusting of strangers? What about friends?

If he is honest, he can’t fully trust either. He will trust a stranger as far as he can throw them, not far at all given how weak he is, but he’ll trust a friend with everything but the truth. He doesn’t like to give friends his true feelings or anything about his past unless he absolutely thinks it’s necessary.

How do they defend themselves weapon-wise?

Knives or a mixture of boxing and wrestling. And insults.

Do they have any special skills or training?

Does baking and drumming count?

What causes, people, or ideas, would they put their lives on the line for?

Literally anything. The thing with Cal is that he doesn’t give a shit anymore. He’d give his life up to protect a chip at this point. There are a few rare things in his life that will make him fight to live though.

How do they treat their hierarchical superiors/inferiors?

Oh this is hilarious. Cal hates any sort of authority outside of Carlos, Nabih, and Leroy. He will actively scowl at them, make threats, and do whatever it takes to knock them off their pedestal. Most often violence if something about them ticks him off. Meanwhile, Cal sees himself as the most inferior person in the room at all times and no matter what tries to boost everyone up above himself.

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

Cal would probably get indecisive about what to choose from the multitude of problems he has. He might at least narrow it down to maybe getting rid of either his asthma, terrible eyesight, cigarette scars, or his ADHD and schizophrenia.

Do they have family? If so, what is the nature of their relationship and how do they feel about their family members?

His grandparents on his father’s side were very very religious, always being especially strict with Cal’s parents but seemingly kind towards Cal. This was only one thing that strained Cal’s relationship with his parents though. Bills, substance abuse, and each other turned his parents from entirely loving to against each other and against Cal. His dad shifted into a busy businessman, always working and always an ass to Cal. Drinking as soon as he got home, all of Cal’s interactions with him were when he was drunk. Things generally got violent. His mom on the other hand was worse. Manipulative, silent, and cruel, she always wore a pretty smile in red lipstick with a cigarette in hand. She burned the cigarette buds out on his shoulders and arms, she caused his lungs to be so shitty by smoking up the house, and she sent him to that church after they moved away from his friends.

How do they treat their friends?

With kindness and everything he has to offer. Except stuff about himself that he’d like to forget.

Do they have a nemesis? How have they made enemies in the past?

Yeah, plenty. In protecting his friends and pissing off strangers in alleys are the most prominent ways

What kind of people do they get along with naturally? What unlikely people do they count as allies?

Cal generally blends in with all crowds of people, but somehow always befriends the gaggle of gays. An unlikely person would probably include Carlos, Lee, and the Red Scars since they were quite literally a gang.

What was your character's background like? How have they developed personality-wise from childhood?

Lots of trauma and happiness melted into mixed and confusing feelings about everything. Everything that he has gone through has left him… not broken or hollow or anything… a walking contradiction.

What is the worst thing they've done to someone they loved? What about an enemy?

The worst thing he’s done for a loved one is probably abandon them or not be there for them to help. As for an enemy, either trusting them has been his worst act or breaking someone’s wrist and ribs. Depending on who it was worse for.

What's their personal moral code?

Don’t hurt, steal from, or do anything to negatively impact people unless they are hurting others or you.

Were they ever bullied (or have they bullied others?)

No, not really. He might have teased people but it was all joking and in good fun.

If they could travel back in time, what event would they alter?

God, there are at least five different events he would love to change. Mainly because of the events and guilt and depression that followed, he’d probably choose to save Lemmie from dying.

What would they ask a fortune-teller?

He wouldn’t want to ask the fortune teller anything out of pure spite, but if he had to, it’d probably be something on the lines of: “So uhh… I don’t… I don’t fuck too much up for everyone in the future right?”

What advice would they give their younger self?

“Don’t do drugs, play nice, do good in school, yada yada… Look, mini-me, don’t trust anyone. And don’t do shit you’re not comfortable with. Life’s gonna be hell, but stick to it for those you care about.”

What do they love to hate?

Drunk assholes, ketchup, cigarettes, terrible ‘How to Draw Anime’ books, and authority.

Where do they go when they’re angry?

Just a quiet place, his safe space, or bed.

What is their current occupation? And do they like their job?

Cal has had a plethora of jobs. But as for current jobs, he has none now that he ran away.

What are some of their past jobs?

Cal had a job as a tutor, babysitter, and even helped a friend, Lee, with starting his grilled cheese sandwich business. And while volunteering may not count, he helped by making baked goods and preparing beds at a homeless shelter back at Pencey.

Do they have a talent?

A few. Cal is more of a jack of all trades but master of none sort of guy.

What is their educational background? Are they more intelligent than average?

Cal is definitely above average. He is a grade above, but lately his grades had dropped since he moved since he just doesn’t care. He probably would have had to go back a grade if he had kept his carelessness up.

What's their ideal life that they would be happy living?

Cal honestly hasn’t ever thought about that. He is just too busy in the now and doesn’t want to think about the future or ideal life because he knows he will probably never get that.

What possessions do they use daily?

Cal always can be seen wearing his hat and his black leather jacket.

What possessions do they value?

He loves his hat, his jacket, his knife, his science book, his backpack purely because it is comfy to hug, his match box, his small compass, and the small pins and patches he always carries on the inside of his jacket.

Do they believe in the afterlife?

Sometimes. He likes to think that there is a place he can be happy when he dies. It’s a nice thought.

What are their religious views?

Cal likes the concept of religion but doesn’t really like religion. He respects it for the most part and leaves it alone unless it hurts him in someway. He burned a giant cross that was in a church after leaving Pencey. Maybe not his smartest choice, but one of the more satisfying.

How would they like to die?

Alone and quick. Doesn’t want to burden anyone and just wants it to be over soon.

What is their zodiac sign? Enneagram sign?

Virgo (September 11) + either the Achiever or Loyalist

What are their eating habits?

Cal tends to eat very little. Due to previous eating habits, if he eats too much, he feels like he might vomit. He does enjoy eating spicy and sweet things and drinking smoothies or basically anything.

What's their living space like?

It’s generally messing to the naked eye, but he just organizes things in a more spread out way.

Do they like to party? *tunes lute*

Hell yeah.

Ale or wine (or water)?

He would prefer water, but if he had to choose, probably ale.


Edited at January 14, 2022 11:49 PM by Determined_Wolf
   A Mystery of Choices | DiscussionJanuary 15, 2022 04:03 PM


Lost Memories

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Finally finished this! :D

Axel

How does your character feel about their own physical appearance?

He doesn't like it very much... He's been bullied about it in the past and words hurt.

How is your character react in social situations where they're forced to be around strangers? What about friends?

He keeps a low profile and doesn't talk unless he has to. He gets very nervous around strangers. With friends, Axel is still quiet, but more open. He likes to help out whenever he can and has a tendency to go along with whatever the others want.

Are they good at expressing their emotions or more stoic?

Stoic. No need to worry anyone else.

When was the last time they cried?

Probably today. Or, at least very recently.

Where do they fall on the scale of introversion and extroversion?

Introverted

What is their outlook on life like?

It's often disappointing, but sometimes it can be worth it. For the people who care about you.

Do they have a life philosophy?

"One person that loves you is worth a million that hate you, keep those that care close and forget the rest.”

What is their alignment (ie. Good, true neutral, chaotic evil)?

Neutral good (Yes, I changed this from my original form)

Do they have certain words or phrases they use frequently? (ie. "Hmmm. Fuck.")

*Confused puppy dog noises*

How do they handle stress?

He represses it and tries not to feel.

Where do they like to go to unwind?

Anywhere quiet, usually with a book.

How adaptable are they to new situations?

Axel has a lot of trouble adapting, he prefers to stay in one place where he feels safe consistently. He does better if there are people that care about him around.

When was the last time they told a lie? Do they have a bad opinion of liars?

Uhh, the last lie he told was probably that he was doing fine, and no, in Axel’s opinion, lying is okay if you have a good reason. He’s lied to protect someone before.

Do they make promises? Have they ever broken a promise?

Axel avoids promises if possible, but he hasn’t broken one yet.

What annoying or bad habits do they have?

Well, he mostly just gives in too quickly to others opinions, oh, and he tends to meld himself to those around him, changing for them. This means he doesn’t have a very strong sense of self.

Are they prejudiced towards certain groups of people?

No.

What's their sense of humor like?

Whatever others find funny, he just kind of goes along with everyone else.

What makes them sad? *cue the sad puppy commercials*

A lot. Most things, actually. Some of the main are past memories though.

What gets on their nerves?

People who think they’re better than everyone else and put others down for it.

What things do they like or obsess over?

Mostly just keeping others happy.

What's the thing (physical or abstract) they want more than anything else?

For abstract, Axel wants to be happy, and he wants others to be happy. For physical… not really anything for himself, but some money to help his parents out would be nice.

When was their first kiss?

It was in the hospital garden with Apollo who caught him by surprise.

How did their first relationship end?

It wasn’t an official relationship, but… Apollo died, so-

Have they ever been in love?

Kind of? It’s complicated

Have they ever had their heart broken?

Romantically, no. Otherwise, yes.

How do they flirt?

He doesn’t flirt, he gets flustered.

How do they display affection differently to their friends, families, and romantic interests?

Axel shows his affection through extreme respect and kind acts of service. He may also give some gifts out, he finds it fun to make little crafts and give them to those he cares about.

Do they get jealous?

Not really

How do they react to rejection?

In the most respectful way possible, he’s willing to back away or give up so that someone else can be happy.

How do they react if someone they aren't particularly interested in expresses interest in them?

Uh, awkward confusion and a very anxious, sincere apology.

How confident are they (with relationships or otherwise?)

Haha, you’re funny. The answer is no. Just no confidence. Ever.

Are they forgiving or do they hold grudges?

Very forgiving, everyone deserves a second chance.

Do they believe in redemption?

Yeah, sure, as long as it’s genuine.

What's their reputation like? Is it different in different circles? Do they like their reputation or would they like to be perceived differently?

He’s got a different reputation in different groups, though no one has ever seen him as mean. At the hospital, almost everyone knew him because he and Apollo often went around visiting and helping other patients and staff out, several of the younger kids still have little crafts that Axel made them, and a lot of them remember him playing games with them. The staff saw him as very shy but very helpful, always doing what he could to help out. At school, Axel’s reputation was more negative. A lot of people saw him as weak, shy, and vulnerable, those who didn’t bully or dislike him simply sympathized with him but stayed away. Some people were even scared of him because of his health issues, though a lot of the teachers liked him because he was respectful and helpful. Ethan was Axel’s first real friend, and he sees him as very kind and affectionate while also being shy.

Do they like to think on their feet or plan ahead?

Plan ahead. Axel doesn’t ever like going into things unprepared, he’s had too much go wrong that he wasn’t ready for.

Do they struggle with impulsiveness?

No. Axel’s probably the least impulsive person you’ll ever meet. He’s very in control of his actions.

Do they have any nervous ticks?

Axel’s very good at hiding all his emotions, so he doesn’t really have any visible ticks. He does start eating less when his anxiety is acting up though.

What are their most positive and negative character traits? What about their most prominent character traits?

Positive: Kindness

Negative: Anxiety/shyness

Prominent: Shyness, probably

Do they have any regrets in life? What do they feel most guilty about?

Yes, but the one he feels most guilty about is probably leaving his parents.

What achievement are they most proud of?

He’s not really proud of anything.

What is their first memory?

His mother singing to him as he tried to fall asleep.

Their fondest memory?

Probably making crafts in the garden with Apollo, talking without worrying about appearance or finances for once.

Their worst memory?

Apollo dying.

What smells remind them of the past?

The hospital smell, roses, his mothers perfume, and the smell of rain

What's the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen?

There was one night when Apollo (totally illegally-) snuck into Axel’s room after visiting hours at the hospital and convinced him to sneak out to the gardens with him (bad idea in general, like, they totally could have gotten locked out-). Axel was really nervous about it a first, but when they got there Apollo pointed out the constellations and they just talked until sunrise. Seeing Apollo’s face light up when he talked about stars and told Axel stories about mythology was probably the best and most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

What are their greatest fears, both physical and abstract?

Kinda same for both, just something happening to his friends and him not being able to help.

What are their goals or ambitions?

Honestly, he doesn’t really have many, he just goes with the flow most of the time. He would like to be some sort of doctor one day though, maybe.

Do they have a fatal weakness?

Uh, probably his unwillingness to stand up for himself.

How do they react to criticism, praise, or other judgments cast on them?

For praise, Axel accepts it with thanks but kind of doubts it, and with criticism, he’s happy to listen and do what he has to to make the others like him or make them feel better. For judgments, though, Axel becomes extremely submissive and quiet, he’ll listen and do whatever he’s asked and feel like shit about it silently.

Are they competitive? How so?

No, not at all, he’s happy to let others have control.

Has anyone ever saved their life?

Yes. Cal, actually, though Cal doesn’t know this.

What things are they very opinionated about?

LGBTQ+ rights, equality, and mental health, though he won’t raise his voice about anything unless he has to or he’s in a safe environment.

How do they respond to threats and conflict?

Axel becomes extremely submissive and backs down, he hates conflict and does everything to avoid it, including completely zoning out or physically getting away from it. He hates conflict that isn’t even his own. The only time he’ll step into a situation is if he feels like he can calm it down and/or he trusts the people that are involved not to hurt him.

Are they trusting of strangers? What about friends?

Of strangers, no. Of friends, sometimes. They have to earn that trust first.

How do they defend themselves weapon-wise?

…Weapon… wise? No thanks, let’s use words!

If he absolutely has to though, Axel knows how to create poison, he’s very knowledgeable with medicine and medical supplies as well as poisonous things and unsafe medical procedures.

Do they have any special skills or training?

Same thing as above, he’s very knowledgeable with medicine and medical supplies as well as poisonous things and unsafe medical procedures. Oh, also, he knows how to cover everything up. Let’s just say, Axel’s not a violent person, but if you somehow manage to piss the bean off, you could very easily end up dead without anyone suspecting a thing.

What causes, people, or ideas, would they put their lives on the line for?

Anyone he cares about, and anyone who’s in a medical emergency.

How do they treat their hierarchical superiors/inferiors?

He practically bows to superiors, he’s terrified of them unless they’re someone like Leroy or anyone else in the ANGSTVENGERS. In Axel’s eyes, he’s the absolute bottom of the social pyramid, lower than a peasant, maybe equal to an untouchable. (I like history, okay-)

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

His anxiety.

Do they have family? If so, what is the nature of their relationship and how do they feel about their family members?

Yes. Axel adores both of his parents, especially his mother. They both work full time jobs and always did everything they could to support Axel medically and emotionally. He didn’t see his father a lot because he worked at night, and his mother wasn’t always around either, but he’ll always love the few memories he has of family dinners. Not only that, but his parents were also supportive of his sexuality and gender. All in all, great parents and great people. Axel loves them and regrets leaving them behind.

How do they treat their friends?

With respect and trust, he can be clingy sometimes and also kind of childish, but that’s just how he shows affection.

Do they have a nemesis? How have they made enemies in the past?

No, and the only ‘enemies’ he’s had are his bullies. Even then he didn’t really even dislike them, just felt bad about himself and a little worried for them. If they were being cruel it was probably because they didn’t know any better, right?

What kind of people do they get along with naturally? What unlikely people do they count as allies?

Axel gets along with literally everyone that doesn’t hurt him. He’s quiet, kind, and helpful. He never seeks out conflict and is always willing to listen, so literally all of his allies could be expected.

What was your character's background like? How have they developed personality-wise from childhood?

Home life for Axel was good, it was emotionally stable, but financially things were kind of falling apart. A lot of Axel’s childhood was spent in and out of the hospital, but really, seeing his parents be so kind despite their situation made Axel want to do the same.

What is the worst thing they've done to someone they loved? What about an enemy?

Loved: Left them.

Enemy: Uh, nothing? Again, he never really had enemies.

What's their personal moral code?

Be kind and always follow the golden rule.

Were they ever bullied (or have they bullied others?)

Yes, he was bullied a lot. It was bad, really bad.

If they could travel back in time, what event would they alter?

Apollo dying?

What would they ask a fortune-teller?

“How are my friends and family in the future? I worry about them, they deserve so much more.”

What advice would they give their younger self?

“Let things play out as they do, but don’t give up. Things may turn out a little differently than you expect, I mean, some of the best things that are going to happen to you come out of some of the worst situations and ideas. Just keep going and help out where you can. It’s worth it in the end.”

What do they love to hate?

Nothing really

Where do they go when they’re angry?

Anywhere quiet and away from people

What is their current occupation? And do they like their job?

He doesn’t have a job

What are some of their past jobs?

He’s never had a paid job, but he helped in the hospital a lot, and the school library.

Do they have a talent?

Anything regarding medicine.

What is their educational background? Are they more intelligent than average?

He’s about average intelligence, and he’s been in and out of school a lot because of medical issues.

What's their ideal life that they would be happy living?

Any life that lets the people he loves be happy.

What possessions do they use daily?

The usual stuff and also his stuffed bear.

What possessions do they value?

His stuffed bear

Do they believe in the afterlife?

Kind of? He’s not sure what to believe

What are their religious views?

His parents were Catholic, but Axel’s not sure what he thinks, he’s leaning towards atheism.

How would they like to die?

Any way that’s peaceful, he knows a few tricks with medication if ever needed.

What is their zodiac sign? Enneagram sign?

Zodiac: Cancer (July 7th)

Enneagram: Nine (Peacemaker/Mediator)

What are their eating habits?

He’s got a bad habit of not really eating. Not because he doesn’t like food or even feels bad about himself, but because he’s just not used to having much.

What's their living space like?

Small but generally organized.

Do they like to party? *tunes lute*

He prefers not to unless he’s going with people he trusts to protect him

Ale or wine (or water)?

Water all the way. He doesn’t like alcohol, though he doesn’t care if other people drink around him as long as they’re responsible.

   A Mystery of Choices | DiscussionMarch 19, 2022 12:25 PM


Determined_Wolf

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!Warning! This post contains underage drinking, smoking, vomit, rape, being roofied, and more. Proceed at your own risk.

Cal’s whole body felt numb with a faint and distant sting of pain across his body. Hammer-like headaches pounded relentlessly into his skull as if they were attempting to tear down a concrete wall. While his stomach churned an awful brew of pain, his throat burned and he felt like he was on the verge of vomiting.

What the hell happened last night?

The blaring music and burning lights of the party still stained his memory like a red splotch on a white shirt. Glancing to the clock, Cal rolled from his side onto his back with a soft groan at the realization that it was well past noon. Running a hand through his hair, he still smelled of booze. His clothes smelled of booze. Funny thing is Cal hated drinking after one previous bad experience and those weren’t the clothes he had on last night. This did not register in his brain yet. Cal laid in bed, staring at the ceiling as he tried to piece together last night.

Kendra was having a party at her place which was nothing out of the usual. She always tended to do such whenever her parents left for the weekend. Cal was not always fond of her parties with the exuberant amount of beer, the relentless smoking, and just how many people there were in such a tight area, but Cal didn’t mind getting the time to spend with his friends. Whereas the pool outside was crowded with drunk teens, the basement was even more chaotic and wild. Some stoner looked to be attempting a keg stand constantly, beer pong was across the room from the DJ, and the lights— yes, the bright lights— made the place seem like a club. The pale blue and bright purple colors flooded the room in streaks that covered the sea of people. Occasionally, their silhouettes could be seen when the light hit the edges of their face just enough for Cal to distinguish who was there. Even as he laid in bed, still piecing together the events of last night, Cal could distinctly remember thinking that if Rosa had not moved away and if Lemmie had not died, Cal would have been just another person in the sea, living in the moment and forgetting life’s troubles. Of course, most of Cal’s other friends were wall flowers so last night he hung by the wall as well.

The bed creaked under Cal as he sat up, and Cal groaned more as the pain only seemed to grow throughout his whole body, especially his neck, wrists, and below his waist. Stumbling out of bed, Cal reached for his phone that normally sat directly under the night lamp beside his bed and froze. For some reason, it was not where he always put it but on the edge of the night stand instead. That absolutely meant something was wrong.

Oh, fuck!

Cal’s first thought was that his parents put him to sleep somehow. Maybe they had drugged him? Poisoned him even? Even though a whisper of rational thinking told him that most likely was not the case, Cal tended to think the worst in scenarios like these and the previous night was too fuzzy to the point where anything was a possibility. Cal froze.

Are they still home?!

The last thing he wanted to do was to deal with his parents when he felt like he had been eaten and spat back out again. Scrambling to the window of his room, over miscellaneous shirts and books strewn about his room that he refused to move, Cal pressed his face against the glass and peered down to the driveway with wild eyes that scanned for his parents’ car, most likely looking like a crazed, deranged man to any nosy onlookers. Cal shrank away from the window with a deflating sigh of relief at the empty driveway. His parents tended to be gone on Saturdays, but the fact that his phone was in a different spot was alarming.

Cal never misplaced his phone.

Taking a curious glance to his phone’s alerts, Cal’s heart melted instantly as he fell back into bed, clutching the phone close to his chest as a wide, lovestruck Charlie Brown-like smile appeared on his face. He had gotten some text messages from Jackson. He did not know why, but the sole idea that Jackson would text him made all the headaches, stomach aches, and sore throat that was so painful that it was hard to breathe fade away.

Are you okay? Everyone is really worried about you after last night. Ben especially,” Jackson had written in perfect grammar, capitalization, and punctuation. He was always a stickler for that even in texting. “Can you please call us when you get a chance? It would make everyone a lot happier. Ben too. You know how he is.

yeah ofc! let me get ready first.” Cal chewed his lip, his eyes wandering over the screen for a moment. He hit send. Snickering softly to himself, Cal came up with the perfect words to send next as a wicked smirk carved onto his lips. “talk to you later sexy!~” Cal added a small kissy face to the end of the message just to make sure he would make Jackson blush.

Sarah and Peppy had just run off for some ‘fresh air’ from the rest of the party while Cal and Kendra made secret bets on if they were making out or if they were finally confessing their love to each other. Cal was convinced that they had been in an off-again-on-again relationship for the past decade while Kendra was convinced that they were both too idiotic to pull that off and keep it secret from the rest of the group. Kendra ran off after said semi-heated debate to refill drinks and liven up the party some more; after she left, only Ben, Jackson, Matt, and Cal remained by the wall. Cal forgot exactly what he said, but it was something about how he hated that he could not trust any drinks at parties for the fear of the stuff being spiked. Ben, being as eager to help as always, volunteered to go get water from the bathroom upstairs and Jackson instantly volunteered to make sure Ben did not get lost, side-tracked, or distracted. Then it was just Cal and Matt.

Matt and Cal had known each other since… since Cal moved to Pency. They grew up together. Even before meeting Rosa and Peppy, Cal met Matt. They were inseparable. For the longest time, whatever Cal did, Matt followed at his heels. He always stuck up for Cal whenever Cal was beat up and Matt always let Cal stay at his place if Cal’s parents were being especially cruel; in return, Cal threatened anyone who bullied his friend for being gay and always made his favorite treat: triple chocolate cookies. While at times some of the things Matt did were questionable like staring at the boys, Cal in particular, in the locker rooms while they changed, making odd comments at sleep overs, and randomly stroking Cal’s hair on the camping trip two summers ago, Cal always supported his gay, best friend, thinking it was all just him having good fun or whatever. They were best friends. Cal supported his best friend no matter what. Even if Matt was pressing incredibly close to Cal at the party. Even if Cal could not help but wince at he felt Matt’s hand slither around his waist at the party. Even if it felt like Matt was breathing down his neck the entire time Cal’s boyfriends were away and no one seemed to look over and help him in his discomfort at the party.

Despite being best friends, Cal could not help but be somewhat relieved when Ben and Jackson returned.

After texting Jackson and shoving his phone into the pockets of the shorts that were not his, Cal felt a lot better despite the pain. Stumbling down the hall, Cal pushed open the door to the bathroom. Cal did not even look at his reflection in the mirror for a moment and just set his phone down on the counter. Turning the sink on, Cal splashed water in his face before sighing softly as he gripped the counter. Cal reached for his NYC hat that he rested above his mirror but froze.

Cal’s neck was red with hand marks, hickies covered his skin, and his wrists were bruised with similar handprints to the ones that choked his neck. He was wearing an oversized t-shirt and shorts that were tight to his skin. Clothes that were not his and that had ‘my property’ written in sharpie across the light gray shirt. Cal’s skin crawled at the sight of his reflection as he felt like his skin itself was dirty and gross and almost sinful. Cal could not move. He could not even breathe as he looked at himself in horror.

The rest of whatever happened last night suddenly came rushing back to him. Cal was never one to leave his drink exposed for long with the fear of someone sneaking liquor into his drink. Everyone else seemed to be drunk so Cal would not be surprised if someone would be stupid enough to do that. But of course, Cal set his cup down for minute— it was only a fucking minute!— to go find Kendra in the crowd and bring her back to the others. That was probably when it happened.

Around that time, Sarah and Peppy finally returned with wide grins on their faces. Cal took the time to tease them and quietly boasted to Kendra that he definitely won their previous bet. The seemingly most infamous group in Pency, all seven of them, were talking, laughing, and having fun while Cal sipped from his drink. Cal could barely make out their words over the loud music and he had trouble responding as he began to slur his words a bit. Peppy was asking Cal something when he started to feel… nauseous. Peppy had to clap several times to get Cal’s attention. Even then, his friend looked blurry. Cal could faintly remember someone that was probably Kendra or Ben placed a hand on his shoulder. The colors of the bright room blended into a spectacle that looked supernatural or something similar to what he would see when he was off his medication and the music seemed to slow. His friends began to crowd him, but he could not make out their faces anymore as he leaned weakly into the wall. Cal slowly slid down the wall and to the floor as the distressed voices of his friends that flooded his ears slowly washed away. The last thing Cal remembered was someone— most likely Matt because of how easily he brought Cal back to his feet and pulled Cal’s arm around his neck whereas Peppy might have been able to only drag him and Jackson would have simply carried him like a feather— told the others in a clear voice: “Don’t worry. I can bring Collie home.”

Bzzt!

Cal’s phone buzzed from the sink counter. Cal’s hand was shaking so much that he could not pick it up at first. It was a text from Matt.

hey Collie can we talk about last night?

Cal hesitated.

yeah sure. what about it?

You know that moment when you are about to receive a text? When the three dots appear while they type their message and your heart is racing out of your chest for whatever someone might send you next after you said something you know you should not have? Cal was feeling this anxiety but multiplied by two.

Bzzt!

It was just an image, but it made his stomach churn; this was almost worse than looking at his reflection. It was a picture looking down onto Cal who was lying in bed in the same clothes he had yesterday, his eyes closed as Cal was still passed out cold. Not only was it disturbing how the angle of the picture made it seem like the image was taken by someone directly on top of him, but someone had their hand slipped just under his shirt enough that Cal could see his torso.

While Cal’s mind raced to find an explanation to all of this, a faint ‘bzzt!’ could be heard from his phone. Another image. Cal had his hands pinned to the bed by larger, paler, and bonier hands with his head tilted to the side and eyebrows frowned from the hickies a bites that littered his neck.

Bzzt! And another image. Cal’s shirt was off this time and his eyes were opened slightly in panic as a result of someone’s hands wrapped around his throat.

And another. And another and another. And another and another and another and another and another and-

Cal dropped the phone in a blind panic while the phone vibrated repeatedly on the floor with loud ‘bzzt!’s that seemed to grow in volume. The phone seemed to be satanic as it chanted in his ears, forcing Cal to take uneasy steps back until he was pressed against the wall.

Please no not again…!

Everything’s fine! It’s— It’s just a prank! Matt wouldn’t ever actually—

Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt!

Cal covered his ears as he slid down the wall.

Not again, not again, not again! Please don’t tell me that I—

—hurt me, right? No no no no no! He’s my best friend! He wouldn’t— He’d never—

Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt!

Tears welled up in his eyes. Cal took gasps of air like a dying fish, and if he didn’t want to vomit when he first woke up, he definitely did now. The bathroom seemed to light up with warped blues and wretched purples that drowned him. He hadn’t felt this way since he was eight.

Nonononononononononononononononononononononononono!

—do anything like— like that to me! He’s my best friend! My best friend! This is just a sick joke! Yeah! A joke!!

Bzztbzztbzztbzztbzzt!

Cal shakily grabbed the seat of the toilet and vomited greenish liquid, unable to breath as his knuckles turned white from his grip. The burning in his throat and mouth made his lips quiver as he tried his best to calm himself down as tears spilled from his cheeks.

Then everything went quiet.

Silence.

Bzzt!

Cal shakily crawled to his phone, his thoughts screaming for him to run, to smash his phone, to do anything but check the latest message. A loud ringing entered his ears and his whole body went numb. On his knees, Cal shivered as he picked up his phone and curled around it as he held it to his chest.

let’s strike a deal, Cal.
   A Mystery of Choices | DiscussionMarch 20, 2022 10:09 PM


Overthink101

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!!Warning!! This will contain gaslighting, drug use('prescribed' and unintentional), multiple types of abuse(hopefully not too graphic), self-harm(again, hopefully not too graphic), extremely dark implications, and possibly more. Read with caution and at your own risk.

*~*~*~*

Gwyar laid on the couch of one of Smith’s and his mutual friends, Derick. Though, his friend certainly didn’t know… Neither did his family. No, as far as anyone else knew he was still staying at Smith’s. It was fine, he knew that. In all honesty, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this. Not when it would worry Smith. And it would worry Smith.

--

He sighed, his phone went off. Well, take back that no one else knew. That was Smith’s ringtone. Gwyar considered just letting it ring, but… It was Smith! Smith deserved an answer. So, he picked up the phone and pressed the accept button.

--

Ayo, this is Gwyar. What’s up, Smith?” Keep things casual, he could play it off. Totally.

--

Where are you? I woke up to find you gone and got worried.

--

Worried? Gwyar supposed that could make sense… Especially for Smith. He definitely sounded worried… “Chill, I’m at Derick’s. Nothing’s wrong, ‘kay?

--

Chill? I woke up to find my boyfriend gone, and you want me to chill? I thought you’d left- Or that something had happened to you-

--

Definitely worried, and a bit upset now… Gwyar needed to fix that. He had to. “Well, nothing happened to me. And I didn’t leave, promise. I never will, alright?

--

Tears being choked back, “Back what if something- What if something had happened? What if- I’d woken up and you were gone, Gwyar… You were just- Gone. I thought-

--

Shoot. He needed to make things better, right? Definitely. “Come on, nothing happened. Nothing’s going to happen. Besides, not like it’d be that big of a deal. Right? This is just me.

--

Not a big deal?! You’re my boyfriend! Of course it’d be a big deal! I love you!

--

Gwyar stared down towards the floor, eyes searching for an answer before rolling, “Sure, sure. I bet you do. And you miss me too… Look, you don’t have to say that to me.

--

I do miss you. Why would you think I don’t?

--

Gwyar went to speak, before pausing. Why did he think that? Smith hadn’t done anything to him. “I mean… I, uhm… I dunno..?” He scratched at his scalp lightly, eyebrows furrowing.

--

Silence stretched, and then Smith spoke. “Have you taken your medication recently?

--

Gwyar thought for a moment, and then shrugged. “I don’t… I don’t think so. Think I ran out, actually… Yesterday.

--

Why didn’t you tell me? You know I have a stash for just in case, right? Since money’s tight and all.

--

Gwyar sighed and shrugged again, “I, uh… I don’t know. I guess it slipped my mind.

--

Well, no wonder you were doubting my love for you. Do you wanna come home now? I miss you.

--

Gwyar nodded, and then quickly actually answered. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll start coming back now.

--

Smith hummed, “How about I hotwire my dad’s car and I come pick you up instead? That sound good?

--

Yeah, sounds good to me.” He nodded, and then heard Smith hang up. He pocketed his phone and stood, sneaking out of the house the way he came in. The front door.

--

The wait wasn’t long, and soon Gwyar was hopping into the beat down car of Smith’s dad. The ride was short, and silent. Smith held one of his hands as he drove.

--

They piled out once they were parked, sneaking back into the Walsh's household through Smith’s window. Smith turned to him and whispered, “I’ll grab your meds for you.

--

Gwyar nodded and sat down on the bed, watching his boyfriend leave the room. This wait was a bit longer, in all honesty. Or at least felt longer. Truthfully, the entire room made him uncomfortable and tense. He never knew why, actually. Which was strange. Smith’s appearance was strange too, the boy was tall and he just seemed more mature. Not by much, of course, just a year or two at max. But still, it was almost unsettling. He’d always assumed that he’d end up being the older one in his relationships, after all.

--

It was fine though, he was happy with Smith. And as long as Smith was happy with him… Happy enough not to use his father’s gun… Everything would be fine. Everything would be good. Gwyar just had to play nice and not upset Smith and the two would get to grow up together. It’s one job, how hard could it be? He could do it. He could.

--

Smith came back into the room, holding a foggy glass of water. Gwyar had long ago stopped questioning the foggy state of the water. It was simply because the household didn’t have enough money to pay for clean water. So, he took the glass and the pills that Smith handed him, and downed them. He made sure to finish the water too, since he didn’t want to upset Smith by wasting it.

--

Smith leaned against his side as he did so, an arm wrapped around him. He set the glass onto the nightstand and wrapped an arm around Smith. Things were fine, as long as Smith was happy enough to stay.

--

After a bit of silence, he spoke softly, “I’m sorry for scaring you…” His voice sounded tired, though he didn’t feel any exhaustion.

--

Smith pulled him close, voice soft, “It’s okay… I know you didn’t mean too.” Harsh, serious eyes looked into his, matching the harsh whisper, “Right?

--

Gwyar’s eyebrows furrowed, Smith never looked like that. The arm around him seemed tighter now. Was he hallucinating? Smith would never look at him like that, and had never sounded like that when speaking to him. This had to be a hallucination, right? He already heard voices, this was just another cruel prank of the universe.

--

Things dipped as he tried to nod, tried to speak. The arms were too tight around him, pulling him as close as possible to Smith. He lifted a hand, it was slower than it should’ve been and Smith shifted to grab it with one of his own while not letting the grasp on him falter.

--

Gwyar was gone before he could register anything else. He came in and out of consciousness… Well, in and out of a fever dream and hallucination. He went back and forth between them.

--

Smith was on top of him, things dipped. He was trying to punch Smith, he caught it, things dipped. Hands around his throat, suffocating him, things dipped. A sadistic smile that certainly didn’t fit Smith, things dipped. Pain, just distant pain… Things dipped. He was flailing, it didn’t do anything, things dipped. Something was in his mouth, keeping him from making any noise, things dipped. He was on his back, something(or someone? He couldn’t tell) was on him, things dipped. His wrists were above his head, held tightly together by something, things dipped. Warm liquid going down his back and sides and shoulders, something that felt like a belt coming down and striking him, things dipped. More distant pain(and some sort of distant, sick pleasure), things dipped…

--

He woke up, cuddled against Smith in bed. Gwyar flailed, failing out of the bed and onto the floor with a thud. It was a weekend, Smith’s parents worked on weekends. They were probably already gone, judging by the sun outside the window. He didn’t care though, he curled and breathed deeply, rapidly. Déjà vu cut him like a knife from the fever dreams. Because it had to be a fever dream- Right? Smith would never.

--

Smith groaned, a light whisper, “You good, love?

--

Gwyar felt tears in his eyes, it had only been a nightmare then. Definitely. There was no way Smith would’ve actually done any of that. Any of… Smith was good, Smith was safe, Smith wasn’t like that.

--

Love? You alright?” Smith had gotten up, Gwyar had taken too long to answer. He looked up in a panic, he wasn’t sure why, he could almost feel the fear in his own eyes.

--

Smith crouched down to him, “Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?

--

And Gwyar knew he should nod, that that was all that had happened. A nightmare. It hadn’t been real. And yet, while still on the verge of tears, he whispered. “I… I don’t know…

--

Smith’s head cocked to the side like a dog’s, “What don’t you know? Whether you’re okay, or whether or not you’d had a nightmare?

--

Gwyar shook lightly, but he didn’t let any tears fall. “B-Both…?

--

Well… What happened in this maybe-nightmare?” A soft tone. Smith couldn’t have done it. Right?

--

Y-You… You, uh… H-Hurt… Me…? I… I think…?

--

The effect was instantaneous, Smith coiled as if he’d been slapped. Gwyar understood why, he’d basically just accused his boyfriend of hurting him. “Why are you even questioning if that was a bad dream?! I’d- I’d never! Do you really think so low of me that- That-

--

Gwyar’s eyes widened, and he hugged Smith, “No! No! I don’t think low of you at all! I’m sorry! I don’t know why I’d doubt that it was a nightmare!

--

Smith hugged him back gently, voice calmer, “I’m sorry… I overreacted there. It was probably just something your mind cooked up to make you feel insecure. I’m sorry…

--

N-No, don’t apologize. I shouldn’t have believed it… I should be the one apologizing.. I’m sorry.

--

It’s okay, Gwyar… It’s okay. Everything’s okay. How about I make us some breakfast and you go wash up? You look like you could use it.” A small playful tone to his voice now. That was good. He nodded against Smith’s shoulder, before they both pulled away and Smith went off to start breakfast.

--

Gwyar stood, still feeling the déjà vu that the nightmare had brought about. It seemed similar. Given his past though… Yeah, that had to be why. That had to be why. After all, Smith would never.

--

He made his way to the bathroom, closing and locking the door out of a paranoid routine he’d started whenever he had first begun staying with Smith. He turned the sink on and splashed his face, allowing himself to stare at it for a bit. He had a black eye, bites along his neck, and a bruise forming there too. Had Smith not seen them? He hadn’t brought them at all. He blinked a few times, but they didn’t go away. Was it a stubborn hallucination? It had to be, right?

--

He shook lightly, the feeling of déjà vu settling in again. He took in a deep breath and opened the left third drawer of the bathroom sink drawers. The bottom one, on the left. Digging to the bottom of it was easy, and he quickly found what he’d been searching for. A razorblade. If his mind and body were wanting something familiar, he could give it something familiar. Not like he hadn’t earned it, first worrying Smith last night and now accusing him of hurting him?

--

He rolled his sleeves up where scars new and old laid, and brought the blade to his wrist before sliding it across with practiced ease. He did so five times, on each arm. He stared at the blood flowing out, deeper than the last time but certainly not deep enough to kill. After a few seconds, he pushed his sleeves back down and shoved the razorblade back into the bottom of the left third drawer, shutting it.

--

He washed his hands again, getting rid of any of the blood that had managed to get on his palms. Then he dried them off, unlocked the bathroom door, and stepped out. The hallucination still hadn’t left… He could ask Smith if he saw anything, if he didn’t then it was just a really stubborn hallucination. He was sure. After all, Smith had never lied to him before. Why would he now?

--

So, he walked down to the kitchen, watching from the not-so-doorway doorway as Smith finished up scrambling eggs. He cleared his throat hesitantly, “D-Do I have a, uh, a black eye to you?

--

Smith set eggs on a plate and turned to him, brows furrowed. “No… Why? Are you having a hallucination again?

--

Again?” Gwyar cocked his head to the side. That would explain the déjà vu, at least.

--

Smith raised an eyebrow, “Yeah. That’s what the medication is for, remember?

--

And Gwyar had to shake his head. Because no, he didn’t remember that. To be honest, he wasn’t really sure what his medication was for anymore.

--

Ah… Well, memory loss was a possible side effect… So long as you never forget me, right?” A teasing smile, and then a slightly more serious look. “But seriously, are you having a hallucination? You can take more of your medication if you need to, alright?

--

Gwyar hesitated for a moment before shaking his head. He didn’t want to worry Smith anymore than he already had… “No, I just had a headache and black eyes cause those sometimes, so I was just wondering… Thank you.

--

Smith smiled, Gwyar was hit by déjà vu again but stayed silent, “Ah, alright.” The smile became soft, sweet. “Well, breakfast is ready. Come eat, okay?

--

Gwyar nodded, and went to grab a plate. Everything was fine. As long as Smith was happy, as long as Smith stayed around, everything was fine.


Edited at March 20, 2022 11:05 PM by Overthink101
   A Mystery of Choices | DiscussionMarch 22, 2022 03:32 PM


Lost Memories

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*Trigger warning* Mentions of blood, bullying, a knife, TERRIBLE writing because I wrote this over the course of three days while on vacation, a normal cinnamon roll being a badass, wholesomeness

Axel sat silently on the ground for a moment, head spinning. His nose was bleeding and he was fairly sure that his ribs would be bruised for at least a week. Maybe more. Taking in a pained breath, the sickly boy pushed himself off the ground, groaning in pain and stumbling slightly as he tried to regain his balance. As he did so, a hand grabbed his shoulder.

‘Shit, I thought they were gone.’

Axel braced himself, preparing to be shoved back to the ground. To his surprise, however, no pain came. Looking up in mild surprise, Axel found a boy standing in front of him. He was slightly shorter than Axel, and he had curly brown hair with brown eyes that were wide and sad.

Confused, the sickly boy stepped back and the other boy let his hand drop without a word, watching Axel with a look of understanding that made him hesitate.

“U-um. Hi? W-who are you, w-why are you h-here?” The other tilted his head slightly and touched his nose before pointing towards Axel. “O-oh.” The paler boy wiped some blood away, grimacing in pain when his arm came in contact with his nose. At least it wasn’t broken.

“I-I’m fine. J-just a little b-bruised.” The other shook his head. Axel bit the inside of his cheek and met the boy’s soft brown eyes with his own. An odd feeling ran through Axel’s body when he looked at the other, there was a sense of understanding, trust, and even peace that washed over him. Even though the boy hadn’t said a single word, Axel understood what he was trying to communicate without any trouble at all.

‘You don’t have to lie to me, I want to help.’

“H-how?”

A flicker of surprise sparked in the other boy’s eyes, and he gave the slightest smile in response, reaching into the bag on his back and pulling out a mini first-aid kit as well as some tissues.

‘Not the best with medical stuff, but here.’

Axel took the things from the boy’s hands with hesitation. “T-thanks.” He muttered sheepishly, taking out the supplies he knew he would need before handing the first-aid kit back. He expected the other to leave then, but once he’d finished fixing up his face, he found that the boy was still standing there watching.

“U-um…” Axel scrambled for correct words. He didn’t really interact with people much, so talking wasn’t always the easiest. “I-I’m Axel. What’s y-your name?” The other tilted his head again, looking at Axel with something that may have been amusement. “O-oh. You can’t t-talk, can you?” There was no disrespect in the sickly boy’s tone, it simply sounded like he was stating a fact. The other boy dipped his head slightly.

“I-I have an n-notepad. Can you w-write?” There was another look of amusement as the boy nodded. Right, of course he could write.

Digging through his backpack, Axel found the notepad and handed it over. The boy’s hands moved swiftly and fluidly, and when he turned the notepad back around, there was a single word written on the paper in neat, practiced writing.

Ethan

Axel couldn’t help the small smile that played on his lips. “N-nice to meet y-you. Um, thanks f-for the help.” The other, Ethan, nodded and turned the notepad back towards him, writing again.

No problem, you go to school down the street, right?

Axel nodded in mild surprise. Ethan looked about his age, so it made sense he would go there too. I thought I recognized you. You’re in my math class. Do you maybe want to walk together? Axel blinked, feeling a little bad. He didn’t recognize Ethan at all. “U-um, sure, I g-guess.” That earned a smile from Ethan, one that Axel thought to be genuine.

---

Days passed and Ethan and Axel fell into a silent routine. They’d meet outside the school every morning and walk to class together. They also had lunch together, which was great because Axel could avoid bullies easier with another person (plus Ethan actually looked pretty intimidating when he glared them down, which was a surprise considering his size.), and he didn’t feel as bad about not eating much when Ethan also ate very little.

After about a week, the two abandoned the notepad, able to communicate sufficiently through simple eye contact and facial expressions. It also came to Axel’s attention that he was no longer the only one in the room with bruises in scars. Ethan never mentioned it, but Axel was positive that there was something going on at his friend’s house, especially when he came to school looking exhausted and smelling of alcohol.

Still, he never pointed it out, and, in turn, Ethan never pointed out the increasing number of scars on Axel’s arms or the bruises from bullying that would show up every other day. Instead, they walked and sat together in silent compassion, offering a steady, trustworthy presence and occasional medical aid if a wound was particularly bad.

Well… There were a few occasions when this silence was broken and one of the two (usually Ethan) actually acted out. This was uncommon, but when it did happen someone ended up hurt… and it usually wasn't Ethan.

The first time this happened was a rather nice spring day in the early morning before school, the time when the bullying was the worst. It started out normal, Axel was walking to school with his head down and feet dragging. His body was tensed, preparing for what he knew was coming.

"Hey, look who it is!" Axel let out a soft sigh and stopped walking. He'd learned a long time age that running never did any good. "Good morning, little girl~"

The smaller boy remained silent, refusing to look up. "Oh, come on! Not even a hello?" There was a chorus of laugher from the small group of boys surrounding Axel. There were three, to be exact, all much larger and much stronger than their victim.

"Well, that's too bad! Guess we're just gonna have to make you talk." Axel squeezed his eyes shut and waited for some sort of pain, but it never came. Instead, one of the bullies let out a yelp of surprise.

"God, man! Calm down! Put the damn weapon down!" Axel cautiously opened his eyes and found that Ethan, in all his short, silent, Ethan-like glory, had positioned himself directly in front of Axel.

In his hand, a knife blade gleamed, reflecting sunlight in an almost dramatic fashion. One of the bullies was already cradling his hand, ruby blood dripping onto the pavement. The others had backed up in surprise.

"What the hell dude?! We were just having fun!" Ethan's brown eyes had never looked so terrifying as when he glared at the boy then, at that point Axel figured even the dumbest of people could understand what he was trying to say.

'Get the hell out of here.'

One of the bullies tugged the leader's sleeve, looking rather anxious now. His second companion, the one with the bloodied hand, also looked uncomfortable. For good reason. "Come on, boss, let's go."

"Yeah, that guy's a lunatic! I don't wanna die!"

The largest male, the leader, glared back at Ethan and shook his head. "He won't actually do anything, look at him! He's small and weak, stop being pathetic and fight with me, he can't take us all at once."

Ethan shifted in stance, spreading his legs slightly apart and adjusting the way he was holding the knife. Sure, E wasn't too strong, but Axel had seen him run enough times to know that he could very easily overtake the people without a problem.

"What do ya' mean he won't do anything, he cut my fuckin' hand!"

"Yeah, c'mon boss, he's gotta knife."

"It's a pocket knife, you embsoles!" The boss scolded, turning on his friends angrily. "He can't do too much."

"It's a blade, man! It still cuts!" The leader huffed dramatically and turned once more.

"Fine then, if you want to leave, leave. You're both cowards. I'll take care of this myself." And then he was charging at Ethan with eyes that gleaned with anger.

Axel's breath caught, the guy was far bigger than Ethan was, and if he managed to tackle him, E wouldn't stand a chance. Knife or no knife.

Ethan, however, stood his ground. He seemed completely unfazed by the fact that there was a large boy charging directly at him, and, apparently, he had good reason for it.

Just when Axel thought the guy was going to ram into his friend, Ethan reached back, grabbed Axel's wrist, and pulled both of them out of the way with what seemed to be practiced ease. The bully let out a cry of surprise as he raced past, moving too quickly to stop.

And then he was on the ground, screaming and clutching at his leg in desperate pain. Axel blinked in confusion, he hadn't even seen the knife leave E's hand, and yet, it was buried deep in the bullies calf.

"Help! Someone help! He tried to kill me!" The boy screamed.

Next to Axel, Ethan actually snorted. The sickly boy looked at his friend in confusion and E shrugged.

'I was aiming for his leg. If I wanted to kill him, I would have.'

"I-I should probably h-help him…"

'Yeah, probably. Plus, I need my knife back. My boyfriend wouldn't be happy if I lost it.'

Axel smiled slightly at that and walked over to kneel next to the bully. "H-hold on. Don't p-pull it out yet, y-you'll lose more b-blood."

"Don't touch me!"

"I-I'm helping."

"I don't want help from you." His eyes widened in fear and Axel felt Ethan lightly touch his shoulder.

"S-sorry, I'll just t-take the knife t-then."

"No! Wait! You can't just-"

"Y-you want help?" The guy nodded, humiliation in his eyes. Axel smiled slightly. Two minutes later, the bully's leg was wrapped up and the knife was back in Ethan's pocket.

"T-there, you should p-probably go home now, s-stay off your l-leg for a while."

"No shit."

Axel stood and looked at Ethan. The smaller boy was watching the bully struggle to his feet before turning and nodding at Axel. They started walking, aware that they'd be a few minutes late to class.

"T-thank you." Axel said after a moment, glancing at his friend. "For d-defending me, I m-mean." Ethan looked over and smiled.

'Any time.'

"I-I didn't know y-you were so good w-with a knife."

'I lived alone for a long time.'

The sickly boy hesitated a moment. "W-would you actually h-have killed him?" Ethan looked down for a moment before looking at his friend in reply.

'Maybe. But only if I absolutely had to.' Axel nodded silently. He couldn't really believe that, honestly. Ethan had always been so gentle and kind, he wouldn't have believed that he'd hurt the bully at all if he hadn't seen it.

As he thought, his friend nudged his arm lightly and Axel looked over again.

'I only fight to help the people I care about.' The sickly boy smiled and Ethan grinned back, his smile slightly crooked.

"T-thank you, Ethan."

'Best friends, right?' Ethan extended his hand, pinky up.

"A-Always." Axel replied, linking the smaller boy's pinky with his own. It was a rather childish thing to do, but it was something Axel and Ethan had started doing only two weeks after they met and it had become a private symbol of their friendship.

Now, the two smiled at each other as they continued their walk to school in comfy silence, both appreciating the first true friend they'd ever had.


Edited at March 22, 2022 03:33 PM by Lost Memories
   A Mystery of Choices | DiscussionMarch 24, 2022 10:17 PM


Lost Memories

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!Warning! This post contains mentions of rape, abuse, gaslighting, and possibly more. Read with caution

"When people look at me, they may see someone strong, brave, and independent. This is a lie. I have not fought for myself a day in my life, I have never been strong enough to. I fight simply to give people the thing that I cannot have. The people I fight for are not only the reason I live, but the force of my life itself.

Without them, I am worse than dead. I am nothing."

~.~.~

Leroy sat on his bed, legs swinging back and forth. He was eight at the time. The room was silent except for the soft buzz of the air conditioning and the slight tapping every once in a while when the boy's heel collided with the bed. He was waiting for his parents to get home.

Leroy heard the front door open and sat up taller, straightening his shirt and steadying his legs. A moment later, his door opened and his mother walked in. She was a beautiful woman with blonde hair and fair skin splashed with freckles, her eyes were emerald green with a lighter shade just around the pupils. She held herself tall, always wearing a long-sleeved dress falling to her ankles and a necklace with a dove-shaped charm. She kissed her son's forehead lightly before standing back again, she looked tired, and her pregnancy was showing now.

"I'm going out tonight, Leroy. Your father will be home."

"Yes, mother." Leroy's voice was soft and respectful, he watched his mother carefully, unmoving.

"Be kind to him tonight, okay. He's had a rough day. Just do as he asks and you'll be fine."

"Yes, mother."

"Good boy." His mother offered a tight-lipped smile before perching herself delicately on the bed next to her son. "Now, how are your grades, have you been reading?"

"They're good, mother," Leroy replied, not looking at his parental figure as they spoke. "All one-hundreds. I'm still the top of my class, and, yes, mother, I have been reading as you asked."

The woman nodded approval, patting her son's head in a slightly awkward manner. "That's good, Leroy. I expect you to keep it up, alright? Don't get a big head and start failing, you need to be wise enough to keep up the family business and do something good with your life."

By 'failing' things, she meant making anything less than a ninety-nine in any class. A simple 'A' wasn't enough, it had to be perfect. "Yes, mother."

"Good, I'll see you later. Remember to be kind to your father."

"Yes, mother." Leroy watched his mother leave again before letting out a quiet sigh of relief once he was alone again. Interactions with his mother were always tentative.

It was a few hours before the front door opened again and Leroy, who had been sitting cross-legged on the floor playing quietly with a few toy cars, heard the front door open again and quickly cleaned up, shoving his toys back into their assigned box and moving to his bed again. His door was opened more violently this time and Leroy's father appeared. He was a large man with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes that matched his son's, a stubbly chin, and a bit of a beer belly.

Leroy shifted back, eyes wide in surprise as his father entered the room, stumbling slightly as he went. He was obviously drunk and there was another half-empty beer bottle in his hand that he slammed down on Leroy's desk before approaching his son.

He never said a word.

---

The little boy woke up to shouting. He didn't know the voice, but he could understand what it was saying, even though the blurred confusion of his mind.

"He's your son, you disgusting, terrible bastard! What the hell were you thinking?!" The voice was angry. Very angry.

Blinking hard, Leroy sat up and slipped out of bed, his knees immediately buckling as he tried to stand. He whimpered in pain. His whole body hurt. He was confused, unable to understand what had happened hours earlier, all he knew was that he was in pain and his father had caused it.

The blue-eyed child looked up as his door opened once more, this time showing a young woman with brown hair and hazel eyes. Leroy thought she was one of the household cooks. She hurried in and knelt next to Leroy, placing a gentle hand on his back.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I should have done something sooner, I would have if I'd known what a horrendous person your father truly was. Here, I have pain medicine and water, I'll get you food later. The authorities are on their way right now, we're going to get you out of here."

Leroy looked at the woman in confusion, only really understanding half of what she was saying. Who was she? What authorities? He was leaving? Why? What was going on?

With much effort, Leroy took the medicine and drank the water and then watched the woman without saying anything.

"Sorry, darling, I didn't introduce myself. My name is Mrs. Elizabeth Huffman. Call me whatever you'd like. I'm a housekeeper for your family, you probably don't see me much. Are you hungry, Mr. Leroy?"

"No ma'am." Leroy's voice was strained and it cracked slightly when he spoke. Mrs. Huffman looked at the child with sympathy.

"No need to be so official, dear. I'm here to help, not order you around."

Leroy looked up at her in mild confusion, still saying nothing. She was older than him, so he should be polite. That’s what he was taught. That’s what he would be.

After about twenty minutes of Mrs. Huffman trying to help Leroy and get him to speak, there was a knock on the main door. The police arrived.

Leroy watched with little comprehension as Mrs. Huffman spoke to the uniform men and his father was handcuffed and placed in a police car, his mother was there now, and she was crying. Leroy wasn’t sure why.
After they were gone, Mrs. Huffman hugged Leroy tightly, gave him food, and tucked him into bed. “You’re safe now.”

Leroy didn’t believe her.

~.~.~

The court held a trial for Leroy's father and he was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in prison. However, he was illegally released after a year because his mother, again, illegally, 'bailed' him out.

Mrs. Huffman was fired and disappeared without a trace, Leroy never saw her again.

Things went downhill from there.


Edited at March 24, 2022 10:19 PM by Lost Memories
   A Mystery of Choices | DiscussionMarch 26, 2022 10:47 PM


Overthink101

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!Warning! This will contain high standards, slight self-loathing, implied neglect, implied abuse, underage smoking, and perhaps more that I forgot to mention.

Nabih walked down the sidewalk towards his family’s residence. Slow, hunched, and certainly miserably. He was coming from school, it was a progress report day, so he held it within his hands as he walked. He hadn’t looked at it yet, he always waited for his parents to see it first… Which usually meant waiting a few weeks.

--

Which was fine. They were busy, they had grown-up stuff to do. Like work. They had their own business, after all. It meant a lot of traveling for them. Never him though. He had school that he had to do.

--

Suddenly, as he neared the house, he stopped. Frozen. There was a car in the driveway, there was almost never a car in the driveway. Not unless if… They were home. His back immediately straightened, and he walked with a purpose towards the house. This didn’t happen often, when they came home it was usually after he was already there… Maybe they’d all actually get to talk? Maybe they’d do the things that others spoke of? Nabih doubted it, and he held the doubt like a lifeline so he wouldn’t be disappointed… But he still hoped. He was allowed to.

--

He entered the house, into the front living room. His father was sitting in the recliner, the smell of alcohol and smoke suddenly hitting his senses. He held back a cringe, and watched as his father looked at him. And then seconds later as the recognition clicked in his eyes, and then he was looking away towards the TV again.

--

Right. Yeah. That made sense. They barely saw each other. Nabih stood there for a bit, back straight and face blank. He shifted, his father glanced at him. “There’s wine in the kitchen, do you mind grabbin’ it? Your mother will be in ‘ere in a moment, she was sayin’ somethin’ about checkin’ grades.

--

Nabih looked at him, and nodded. The tiniest sliver of hope rooted in him. He found his way to the kitchen, an easy feat for him. Giving how often he had to make his own meals, since everyone went with his parents when they went on business trips.

--

Finding the wine wasn’t a hard feat either, given how he had explored every crevice of the house by now. After all, when you’re in a house alone at five and you don’t really have any rules that can be enforced, you tend to be a bit curious. He didn’t go looking around anymore, of course. His father had made sure to instill the fear of doing so whenever he’d gotten back that first time. Nabih didn’t blame him, of course. That would just be counterproductive, since it was simply for a lesson that had to be taught.

--

Either way, he easily found the wine cabinet and grabbed one of the bottles. He closed it and headed back to the living room, finding his father staring at the TV again. He straightened his back and walked over, handing it over. Again, his father looked at him for a few seconds before the recognition came and his father took the bottle from him. He cocked his head towards the couch, so Nabih took a seat and waited patiently for his mother.

--

When she came in, she came right over and sat on the couch. Not right up against him, of course. A good bit of distance away, in all honesty. She held her hand out to him, and he handed over the progress report. She opened it, overlooking the grades for a second before glancing back up at him. “How come you have a 96 in your mathematics class and a 95 in social studies?

--

My teachers said that that was the highest score anyone got.” Nabih responded, hesitantly. Cautiously. Avoiding questions was always a risk in this situation. Hopefully it worked out this time.

--

Her eyes narrowed at him, “That’s not what I asked. What’s the rule with your grades? We expect straight 100s from you. You’re smart enough for it, aren’t you? Do you simply lack motivation? I’m sure your father doesn’t want the business to go to someone who lacks motivation. And if it isn’t motivation then it is intellectual ability, so do you mean to tell us that you are not capable of a simple three digit score?

--

Nabih didn’t allow his eyes to glance away, to glance towards his father, “I’m perfectly capable of a three digit score, I got one in all of my other classes.

--

Her eyebrow raised, “So it's motivation then? How can we motivate you?

--

He didn’t answer. Any answer would be wrong. He knew how this went. She continued after a few seconds. “Well, given that in total you are nine points away from having a triple digit score in each class, you may go up to your room. We’ll wake up for breakfast tomorrow, other than that your father and I will discuss how to properly motivate you.

--

He nodded, slowly. “I understand. Good night, mother.” And he stood, leaving the living room and going upstairs to his room.

--

He placed his school bag down and allowed himself to lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Time passed by, slowly, his stomach rumbled. The sound of footsteps, so different from the usual silence that even if he wasn’t listening for it, he’d hear it.

--

He sat up, the door opened. His father stepped in, the slightest of recognition in his eyes. His father stood there for a moment, in the doorway, and then stepped in fully. The door was closed behind him. A bottle was in his hand, possibly close to empty. Nabih slowly stood, keeping an eye on him.

--

Your mother and I came up with a punishment. No son of mine, especially one with the legacy name, should be acting the way you are. Two classes, you practically failed. So, to teach you a lesson, we’ve decided to do something. Come downstairs.” His voice was gruff, eyes strict and disappointed.

--

Nabih nodded, and followed him downstairs, taking a seat on the couch as he was pointed to. His father took out a pack of cigarettes and lighter, set it on the coffee table, and took a seat. “You were nine points off, so along with not eating until breakfast, we’re going to have you finish off nine of these. Since eventually, when you fail high school, you’ll be smoking each and every point you ever failed while you were in it.

--

And Nabih was handed one from the pack, along with the lighter. His father’s keen and strict eyes stayed upon him. Slowly, hesitantly, he brought the smoke up and lit it. A simple punishment for his idiocy, rather light in all honesty. Surely, surely this was what needed to be done. If only to make sure that he succeeds in life later on… At least it wasn’t like what his father had done to him before, that had been worse. Though, to be fair, he’d deserved that too.

   A Mystery of Choices | DiscussionMay 19, 2022 10:48 PM


Lost Memories

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Hey everyone! So sorry I've been so inactive, I took a much-needed mental health break. I'm feeling better now, though still a little stressed because of finals next week, but I should (hopefully) be back and active again!
-
Oh, and, as an apology (and because I felt like it-) I wrote you guys a little special short story about Roman (Leroy's brother), so enjoy that!
-

*Quick trigger warning for implied suicide and lots of general angst.* Don’t worry, there’s some fluff too, it’s bittersweet. :)


Point of view: Roman Hall

(The night before the ‘accident’)

There weren’t many people that understood me, and fewer that made me feel understood and cared about. The list I had determined so far consisted of two people only: my older brother, Leroy, and my beloved, Sparrow. My sisters were, of course, on the slightly longer list of people that I cared about and loved, but they didn’t quite make the cut for the ‘understanding’ part. Actually, I’m pretty sure they were more confused by me than most people somehow. I’m not really sure why, but I let it slide. Their questions were entertaining anyway, and the further confused expressions after a gave them a vague, more confusing answer (partially without meaning to, it made sense to me, after all), were priceless.

Moving on, they weren’t the people I was concerned about at the moment. My attention belonged solely to my beloved and his voice. We sat together, Sparrow and I, atop a small hill a little ways from town and overlooking the valley, under the brilliant night sky. Sparrow was singing, guitar in hands, with his perfect, silvery voice, as I leaned against him, resting my head lightly on his shoulder and listening. There was no sound better, no sound purer, than my Sparrow’s voice, and no one could ever convince me otherwise. He was an angle, a glowing figure in the moonlight, his silky black hair glossy and full and his deep, brown eyes, shining like stars and truly illuminating more than the actual moon and stars themselves. I captured his face in my mind then, promising to never let it go. I was content, no, more than, I was happy. It wasn’t often that I was happy, but I was now, with his warm, soft skin against my arm and his perfect voice in my ears. He sang, and he sang for me.

As Sparrow’s song drew to a close, hitting one last cord before dissipating into the warm night air, he turned to me, carefully placing his instrument on the grassy floor before shifting and opening his arms in a welcoming embrace.

“Did you like it?” He questioned, looking down at me with those beautiful, dark eyes as I made myself comfortable, leaning back into him and looking up to meet his gaze. I smirked slightly.

“How could I not? Your music’s always perfect, my songbird.”

Sparrow smiled softly and placed a light kiss on my forehead. I didn’t miss the soft pink taint on his cheeks from the nickname, though. “I do not know, I can’t read your mind, love.”

I grinned. “No one can, I like to think it’s a special skill of mine.”

The other chuckled. “Is that so?”

“Yep!” I grinned up at my beloved who smiled back before pressing a gentle kiss to my lips this time. I accepted, and, after a moment, we separated again, letting the silence spread comfortably between us. Sparrow started gently running his fingers through my hair and I sighed in quiet contentment. All was good with him. It always was. “What star do you think I am?” I asked suddenly, I had been examining the night sky, and the question appeared from nowhere, as they so often do.

Sparrow tilted his head slightly and looked at me a moment as I awaited his answer eagerly. I was truly curious. Sparrow, used to my outbursts of questions at this point, recovered from his confusion quickly, and a small, knowing smile touched his lips. A smile that I had come to recognize when I said or asked something that he found either annoyingly obvious or completely adorable. I still couldn’t decipher the difference between the two.

“Why think so little of yourself? You aren’t a star at all!” I was taken aback by the answer and was about to protest when Sparrow continued, eyes filled with a mixture of amusement and affection. “You are a whole galaxy, Roman. My galaxy.”

The words died on my lips and, in the next few seconds, I believe I lost all comprehension. Rendered speechless, I felt my cheeks flushing bright red and my ears felt hot. Sparrow simply watched, a soft laugh escaping his lips as I transformed into a sputtering tomato.

“And you are absolutely adorable.”

“You’re terrible!” I protested, as soon as I could form proper sentences again. I lightly smacked his chest, causing him to laugh harder. “That’s not fair!”

“But you like it, yes? And it’s the truth.”

I pouted but gave in. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I love you, Songbird.”

“I love you too, my galaxy.”

I looked to the sky again and I couldn’t help but smile. “There’s a castle up there, you know,” I stated suddenly, pointing to the night sky. “A whole kingdom, actually. And it’s perfect there, with a room just for us and no pain or worry.”

Sparrow followed my gaze. “You think.”

I smiled. “I know. And one day we’ll go there, and you can sing for everyone. Even the gods, if there are any, will be impressed, and you can sing for paradise!”

He hummed. “I wish only to sing for you.” He stated.

“Nonsense! The whole world is going to know you! You’ll be the best musician in the world! Well, you already are, but only I know now. I want you to go out there and show everyone how amazing my Songbird is, follow your dream of music! They’ll love you!”

“Will they?”

“Of course! No one wouldn’t!” I reached up and ran my fingers across the soft skin of his cheek, Sparrow grabbed my hand and placed a light kiss on my hand.

“But what about you? I want to sing for you, love.”

I grinned. “You will! I’ll be with you every step of the way, even if you can’t always see me.”

Sparrow sighed but smiled softly. “I will try then, and still sing for you, my galaxy. Always for you.”
I beamed. “I’ll always listen. Even in our castle after we leave this world. I’ll hear your songs forever, Sparrow, and I’ll cherish every one.”

My beloved smiled and my heart melted.

If I had one regret, it was that I would have to wait for him within our castle walls.

---

Point of view: Sparrow Hart

(15 years later)

I sighed softly to myself as I left the stage, giving myself a few moments to breathe before going out to greet my supporters. I had grown quite popular within the last few years, having a top-of-the-charts song within my first album. It was nice to be recognized, and nice to know that people really did enjoy my work, but it was also exhausting. I’d never been a particularly social person, so so many interactions within a short period of time was tiring. I constantly tried to remind myself of how lucky I was, though, to be able to live as comfortably as I did. And I also reminded myself that I was not doing this simply for myself, not for the fame, glory, or money, but for the boy that I had, and still, loved. That thought alone made every second more than worth it.

After a ten-minute break, I took a breath and walked outside, greeting fans, giving out signatures, and taking pictures. Everything was normal. That was until I started my walk home (this was an in-town concert, my favorite kind because I was able to get home quickly and actually recognized a few of the people in the crowds). A girl, I estimated she was around seventeen, called out my name and ran up to me, looking rather winded.

“Sir, hello! Sorry! I don’t mean to bother you, I was a bit late to get in line at the concert and it seems I missed you.” She said, obviously apologetic. I smiled.

“That’s alright, how can I help you?” I questioned, fully expecting her to simply ask for a photo. Instead, she blushed a little and looked down.

“Well, um, I actually wanted to ask you something. I, well, I don’t mean to sound rude, but, don’t you think the name Songbird is a little… generic?” She asked, looking up at me with questioning eyes.

I hesitated. “Well, I suppose it could be,” I replied, unsure of how else to answer.

“Well then… why’d you choose it? Just wondering, I don’t mean to be intrusive or anything!”

I shook my head and smiled again, looking up at the sky for a moment. “No, no, that’s alright. I don’t mind you asking. It was a nickname, given to me from… an old friend of mine. I guess it just felt right.”

The girl seemed to think a moment, then nodded, evidently satisfied. She grinned.

“Okay then! Well, can I have a picture? Then I promise I’ll leave you alone.”

“Sure.”

We took a picture and she ran off. I watched her go and then started walking, no longer heading toward home, but rather, another familiar place. A small hill overlooking the valley with a singular tree and a singular headstone.

Upon arrival, I shrugged off my guitar and opened the case, taking out the smooth, wooden instrument and starting to strum the stings quietly, playing a familiar tune. One that I had kept out of the public, one reserved only for me and the galaxy. My galaxy.

I looked up at the stars and smiled, leaning lightly against the headstone.

“I know you’re listening, my love, and I play this for you as everything else. One day, my wings will be strong enough to fly to your castle. To you. Wait for me, love, and until we meet again, know that my voice is yours.”

As if in response, a soft breeze ruffled my hair. I smiled, I played, I sang.

For my galaxy.

A Mystery of Choices | DiscussionMarch 23, 2021 05:47 PM


Determined_Wolf

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Ah yayyyyy! Can't wait for this! :D (also first post! Hehehe!~ >:3)

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