Schatten Waechter said:

I know!

But seriously. I was putting away the dishes to turn on the dishwasher, and the only knives we used that knight were dull as hEck, but I still wasn't dumb enough to grab them by the blade when I put them in the dishwasher.
I go into my room and start reading, and notice that the side of my thumb is bleeding over so slightly above the joint thingy-

The book didn't even touch me there-

I got bored

really bored

so I grabbed the five random jump ropes we own, fashioned a climbing harness out of three, lassoed a stick from a tree, then rigged the harness so that when I swung the first anchor around the branch, the leftover length of the rope would fold down into a foothold, simultaneously tightening my harness when weight was put in the foothold. Like a pulley sort of system, your weight in the foothold would pull you up, theoretically making climbing so much easier. I designed it for trees with branches that were too far apart to safely reach. After you get yourself up, you would then use the second anchor that acted as a safety tether while you unclipped the initial foothold tether. Then you would swing the foothold tether, weighted by a stick at the end, around the next branch, pull down the foothold, untether the safety tether because the foothold tether is secure, then pull yourself up and repeat the process. It actually worked, giving me an extra foothold while I climbed.

But then I realized I got the safety tether/jump rope too short, and I was hanging. The problem is, I rigged it so that the more you pull, the tighter it gets, therefore safety is better. I wasn't thinking ahead, so when I started to hang, I was stuck between branches, my feet unable to touch the bottom, and my arms unable to reach the branche above. Nor could I swing up, because I hadn't untied the foothold tether yet. But I couldn't reach the foothold tether because I was hanging. If I couldn't loosen the slack, I couldn't untie the anchor tether.

Mind you, these are jump ropes. I tied them in such a manner that they would stay put, so that wasn't my concern. My concern was when I hung, my harness constricted, which was not comfortable. On the bright side though, my safety guards worked and I wasn't falling anytime soon.

I tried to save myself, found it was physically impossible, then called for my brother, who passed up a pair of scissors and I cut the tether. Then I untangled everything and climbed down.

Thats how I hung from a tree for ten minutes.

On the bright side, the foothold mechanism worked!