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Darkseeker
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Just repeat it till tomorrow so you do goodly (I'm guessing this is a test? if not- best of luck)
Also- I need this- too many people just say its 'good, amazing, great, beautiful'
What kind of punctuation/grammatical errors were there? besides the verbs (I definitely need to work on that) I did intentionally make the two ands in "The trees were tall and towering and cast in shadow" part. |
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Neutral
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Schatten Waechter said:
Just repeat it till tomorrow so you do goodly (I'm guessing this is a test? if not- best of luck)
Also- I need this- too many people just say its 'good, amazing, great, beautiful'
I agree. Feedback best if you can use it in the future.
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Doom Third sentence, incorrect use of a semi-colan. I don't think you can combine with a comma, though, because that's not parallel structure. To use a semi-colan, it would be more accurate to say: ...; they clawed... or: ...; clawing at the sky with their bare branches, they ... That subject is needed. Otherwise, it's a dependent clause, which cannot be sepearated by a semi-colan. Of course, you could also just toss in a period and add a 'they'. Sentence six is similar to a vague pronoun type thing. It works, but it's better to connect it with the sentence above. Sentence 11 is a dep. clause. It can't stand alone. In sentence 12, it's not 'moons' it's moon's. |
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Neutral
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Doom Oratory is a speech. You write it, then present it to the class at a podium, blazer and all. Now it's on zoom, but I still have to wear a blazer and oxford - |
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Darkseeker
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The night was cold. The moon was full and bright, casting a silvery light on the land below. The trees were tall and towering and cast in shadow; they were clawing at the sky with their bare branches, grasping for the last bit of light from the moon as a heavy cloud drifted across.
The land went from silver to black.
Everything was silent, save for the soft wind as it passed through the trees’ empty branches, making a deathly crackle… almost like that of snapping bones. A powerful gust of wind blew through the forest, sending the trees into chaos as they battered their branches against each other. The wind’s hollow wailing only added to her hammering heart. Slowly the moon returned, yet there were no more trees. The forest was gone. Replaced with rippling waves crashing into a cliff of death below, the waters were silvery and bright, consumed with the moon’s light; the cliff and the stone teeth breaking the water were dark as pitch. Rifts in the soft silver waves. She looked up at the moon one last time, and jumped. Is this better- Oh Holy Grammar Spaghetti? |
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Darkseeker
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Boundless said:
Doom Oratory is a speech. You write it, then present it to the class at a podium, blazer and all. Now it's on zoom, but I still have to wear a blazer and oxford -
Fun- just learn how to talk fast? XD |
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Neutral
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Doom It looks awesome! (I'm sorry - years of grammar lessons in English class have drilled it into me >.<). The last thing I would watch is repatition in both sentence structure and words^^ |
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Neutral
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Schatten Waechter said:
Boundless said:
Doom Oratory is a speech. You write it, then present it to the class at a podium, blazer and all. Now it's on zoom, but I still have to wear a blazer and oxford -
Fun- just learn how to talk fast? XD
Points will be docked. I have to memorize my piece, and present with public speaking skills >.< |
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Darkseeker
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I honestly wish I knew how to help- but ah- never been to school so I'm probably being a doofus XD |
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Neutral
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Doom Ah, well, thanks for giving it a shot heh. I'll manage. Imma probably end up speeding up anyway, so. I mean, at least I'm the second person going, which means I'll get it over with pretty quick. |
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Fall Month: 3 
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