Silver

I don’t have any due replies ^^ We’re waiting for Hoff, Wolf/maybe Pfiel, and Gin. I refuse to poke anyone about it heh.

I just got inspiration to write my stories- but I'll see if I can get a post out in the next few days... or years...

Alright. *English Teacher mode*

Save for some minor punctuation/grammatical errors, it looks pretty good. However, I would focus on your verbs a bit more. Although I do think your imagery is lovely, I suggest trying to almost be more metaphorical. Imagine being in that scene. What does it feel like? Does the wind simply whistle through the trees, or does it lash across the land? Does the wind crawl up the character's face, like livid tendrils of snakes suffocating her?

Think about the mood. Then, choose the verbs/adjectives/gerunds to match. Actually, if you're ever stuck on a story, this really helps:

exp. The mood is fearful.

list:

Crawling

Stalking

Creepying

Waning

Cold

etc. etc.

Really dive deep into each and every sentence. Pick out the emotion behind everything, what the reader is supposed to feel. You should write with the goal of evoking emotion within you reader.

Yep.

Sorry.

*Un-English teacher mode*

>.<

hahahahahha- yes- I need this-
Danke-

Thoughts?

Ooo! Starry! Help me!

Doom

Lmao, I'm sorry, I feel mean now >.<

.

Silver

Of course, imma read through and try to toss you some advice in a mintue ^^

Thank you!

Also, guys - I am very much screwed. My oratory is first period tommorrow, and is supposed to be five minutes long. At 5:15, my teacher will start docking points.

I'm at 6:51 minutes.

I'm done for.

Uhoh... Good luck!