AHHH

This sentence is kinda confusing:

Before long, I began to think of all the good I could do for those in situations that I could have been in, had I not been so fortunate.

What do you mean by you were fortunate? When? It was never explained in your essay. I SUGGEST(It's your essay, so you can decide whatever you'd like :D)you fix it

Hmm, my problem is I wanna explain but not make it a sob story. Lemme try something real quick

Before long, I began to think of all the good I could do for those in less fortunate situations, similar to ones I have been in. Situations that if I had not been lucky enough to be taken in by my adoptive mother, I could have easily fallen victim to.

Does that sound better or shorten?

AHHH

This sentence is kinda confusing:

Before long, I began to think of all the good I could do for those in situations that I could have been in, had I not been so fortunate.

What do you mean by you were fortunate? When? It was never explained in your essay. I SUGGEST(It's your essay, so you can decide whatever you'd like :D)you fix it

sorry for the double

It sounds AMAZING

Just try to shorten it as much as you can :)

Something that could help is if you have a short anecdote where you put into practice what you are saying in this essay. It'll bring the point home stronger.