... Heh heh...
...........
I actually really, really really like torturing my OCs-
So, ah, Zadolt being one of the ones to suffer the most is no cause for concern-
It's when nothing goes wrong for him.... That is when you should be watching out for his death.

oh, I have a really good book recommendation for you if you're interested in phycology if you wanna hear

(I actually haven't really read it but have heard it was great so many times)

Okay, so uh,

that's kinda a problem. Living with your brother, from what I've heard, at least, sounds just,,, not fun. I don't know how you dealt with it all these years. But looking into some phycological disorders might help you understand him?

My brother doesn't have nearly as many issues. We're pretty sure he's autistic, he has a generalized anxiety disorder and he has tourettes. But he's not a phycopath.

celery do not kill zadolt i will come for you

.............

I make no promises....

I'm not actually sure if my brother's a psychopath, mum tends to exaggerate everything, and he seems to have empathy sometimes (I think psychopaths lack empathy?) he definitely has something

I know he has aspergers, and I have high-functioning autism so yeet fun

living with him could be fun but then he throws a rock at you and says it was an accident that you believed for so many years and then mum's like you know, he might've done it on purpose

that happened last year

so not even growing up with him, but when mum told me stuff last year, that's messed me up a little

like, he did some really wacky stuff and since I was little at the time I thought it was fine and now I realise it isn't so yeah

but it's fine

and ooh, yes please, I always like book recommendations :0

I believe a lack of empathy is called ASPD? Which is an acronym for something, I don't remember. Or sociopathic.

.

What's that like? Having high-functioning autism? (obviously you don't have to answer if you aren't comfortable). My family is pretty sure that my brother is high functioning (we've done quite a bit of research, and the dots seem to connect), but we aren't sure and don't want to diagnose him until a doctor sees him for it and diagnoses him.

.

That's awful. It almost kinda hurts me to think about a brother who would do that. Did he ever get any help for his issues?

.

alright, imma go and find it then tell you the title -

I'll tell you this afternoon, busy right now aha ^^

ooh, thanks

Okay... so I probably should not have Googled "mental disorders" because I am finding a few with symptoms that I experience, and now I'm worried that I'm more messed up than I thought I was. :,)

.

Apparently, I have symptoms for a lot of the mental disorders.... Like, none of them hit the head on the nail as far as having all symptoms pertain to me, but.... ;-;

Some of them are close enough I could probably say I had it and everyone would agree.... ;-;

HeLp.

I think to some degree, we all have some symptoms of mental disorders. But if you've found more than a few, it definitely might be a good idea to research further and seek medical advice. :') It might help to look into it but I really don't know aha

okay-

Having high-functioning autism is eh, I mean, I've lived with it my entire life, so I dunno how it actually affects me that much. I looked it up on google aNd- my intellectual ability is completely fine, some would say I'm a genius but no >.<

just average in my opinion

I do have trouble communicating and socialising, which mum gets angry at me for because I'm really bad at asking how people are and holding a conversation. I usually give one word answers so yeah. With my friends, I'm fine, completely fine, but almost anyone else (my Oma's also fine) I just don't really like talking. I'm alright? at identifying the emotions of others, but terrible at identifying them in myself, and I'm not the best at expressing emotions either.

Sometimes I get fixated on a particular thing, like uh... rocks? I mean, as a kid, most people had obsessions, but I went through some stages where I would collect every rock or feather I saw and put them in a bucket. Sometimes I hate changes, but others are alright. I also plan every little thing I'm going to go, like I get up in the morning and I go to myself okay, I'm going to eat breakfast, brush my hair, get dressed, pack my bag, brush my teeth, then do a roleplay reply and some homework. I dunno if that's part of the autism but ya know how I said I'd planned stuff to do during the summer holidays? yeah

I also fidget a fair bit, and I have an issue with chewing things. All of my pencils and pens have been chewed to some extent, and as a childerbeast, I used to eat weird things consisting of grass, clover, the occasional gum leaf, glue, paper and rubbers (or erasers, I think you call them?). One website says people with HFA focus on themselves, which I don't think I do? I try not to, and when my parents say we want you to be happy, I get really uncomfortable. I don't like a lot of attention.

Part of the fidgeting thing is that I have a handkerchief. I don't use it in the normal way, per se, but I breathe it and fidget with it. Breathe it as in, I used to think that I could not breathe without my 'hanky' and I breathe though it. Not all the time, but I think my parents think I should've grown out of it by now. It started as a baby, where I had some of dad's and then ripped them up and got sad and then he got me some more, and now I have a bunch of them sitting in a drawer somewhere where I use one for a while and then use another one. I have one on me 99% of the time

it's really weird, I'm really weird, everything is weird

aNoThEr tHiNg is some textures I hate. I think most people have this, but I'm sensitive to certain textures and sounds. I don't like yelling, but I think I got that after mum yelled a bunch, or loud noises in general, and I hate really smooth textures, like when I'm writing on paper and my hand is on it, or something

I dunno, some of that probably isn't part of the autism thing but that's just me for ya (550 words oof)

also, I just remembered, I didn't speak until I was nearly 4 years old, and I really don't like making eye contact unless I'm very comfortable with the person, which might be another autism thing

~

we did try to get my brother some help, but he didn't want it, like, mum booked in this camp thingy that was supposed to do stuff and he didn't go, and he didn't go to a psychologist or therapist or anything