| Closed | September 12, 2021 12:21 PM |
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Neutral
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Well, one thing you can do is to establish immediately what they consider "good" to be. Are they a greater good kind of person or do they focus on individuals? What are they willing to do in the name of good? This will show you how they usually respond to moral dilemmas, since they've probably dealt with this before. The idea of being morally good is subjective anyway, so you just need to know what they think is good and have them stick to it. Lawful good doesn't always have to be overwhelmingly goody-two-shoes, either. They can just be a kind person who helps people where they can and believes the laws are there to protect people. Think about where they got their idea of good: from their family, a religion, a philosophy? Lawful types of people might find comfort in structured morals and therefore follow it blindly even where it'd not always good. Lawful good can be somebody who believes they're doing good and refuses to let go of their point of view. |
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| Closed | September 12, 2021 01:17 PM |
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Lightbringer
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hey hey! for any of those who have RPed with me, I'd love some feedback. (There's some older writing examples in my blog, I think?) |
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| Closed | September 12, 2021 01:21 PM |
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Neutral
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boundless@
i haven't actually rped with you, but i do sometimes stalk your blogs and your rps that you own/are in, and i do say that i love your writing style. it's one that i enjoy a lot and your characters are always fun to see in action. however, i'll take a deeper look later and actually critique everything lmao, though i'm sure they're all good :o |
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| Closed | September 12, 2021 01:36 PM |
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Neutral
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Boundless: I haven't RPed with you recently, but I did some with you a while ago. I was always impressed with your literacy and the elegance of your posts. Your style tends to be more distant and formal, but this is a stylistic choice and doesn't pose any problem. Your character's train of thought is very well-written, and you tend to reveal more about them early on. Sometimes the thoughts could be hard to distinguish from the description, though, because you didn't tend to use italics for internal dialogue. That's all I really remember, and you were definitely one of my favorite roleplayers. |
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| Closed | September 12, 2021 01:59 PM |
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Lightbringer
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thank you both!
Freedom:
oi yeah so the point about internal dialouge is definitely something I'm working on! Thanks for mentioning it, I've definitely started to use italics a bit more, makes everything much nicer and neater :)
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| Closed | September 12, 2021 02:40 PM |
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Neutral
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Huh, speaking of RPs and stuff, can any of y'all critique the RP responses I wrote here? I'm too lazy to give any context behind them, so—uhhh—good luck reading fifty walls of text to try and understand just what in the hell I wrote— @Boundless I've stalked your blogs and, honestly, your writing is better than mine— @Freedom Ohohoho, thank-thank, fam. You've definitely helped a shitton— I'll definitely keep all that in mind. |
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| Closed | September 12, 2021 06:12 PM |
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Lightbringer
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asp oh dude that is a h u g e compliment, but comparison = big no no, your writing is absoultey fantastic.
and I'll look over those replies once I stake out some time!
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| Closed | September 13, 2021 07:10 PM |
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Neutral
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ASomeonePerson: One grammatical error you have that's very common is adding a comma after "but." You don't actually need that. You also switch between third and first person a lot, so you might want to make that more consistent. When you use quotes, always put the punctuation inside them. Example: "Hello." Your imagery is wonderful, and you use repitition well. Your grammar is very good and your writing is crisp and clear. You're very good at describing thought processes. You might think about using less paratheses, but that's a personal choice. Just so you know, I only read the first once since they're quite long. |
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| Closed | September 13, 2021 07:30 PM |
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Neutral
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could anyone look at zehra in my blogs? :") she feels a bit 'meh' to me |
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| Closed | September 13, 2021 08:01 PM |
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Lightbringer
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alrighty, looked through some of your replies asp, and first of all: they're fantastic, and the imagery is great. You use proper grammer, and so this is more of a nit-picky thing about how your sentences read and flow.
I feel you could prune your sentence content, if that makes sense? The first few sentences, for example: "Not that this is anything special. After all, she is always hungry. She knows her hunger during every moment of her waking hours." The sentences are, for a lack of a better word, clunky (although beautifully descriptive). Instead of, 'not that this', a sort of awkward phrase, I would simply cross that bit out, and go with: this is nothing special, of course. Or something that flows a bit better, like that. Then, the 'afterall' bit is unceccessary, seeing as you've already established that her hunger is not unique to this particular day. Then the last bit, "she knows her hunger during every" is also a little bit,,, much? The conjunction is unneccessary, and can be replaced with 'is' for more emphasis and,, solidity in idea? clarity? this is just an example in the first paragraph, the trend carries on a bit throughout. tbh, this is all pretty nit-picky and quite a bit about stylistic choice. In the end, your writing is wonderful, but it's just something to think about it - to make sure everything reads well, reciting some sentences out loud wouldn't hurt!
please take all criticism with a grain of salt, I tend to write far more,, distanced? from my characters, and your style seems to work perfectly well for you and the characters you describe. so. :) |
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Fall Month: 1 
Day Weather: 
Heavy Rain
