relationship issues go brr anyway background: my boyfriend and i have been friends since first grade but we've only been dating for like a month and a half. i'm aroace, and he knows that im aroace, but like,,, i kind of feel like hes forgotten that?? that or im doing a very good job of acting like i know what romance is supposed to be like (this is my first relationship and his,,,, like 4th? but from what im gathering we're a lot closer than he and any of his exes were)

anyway i feel like a liar and a bad boyfriend because im aro and i don't have any real romantic attraction to him, at least not as far as i can tell what romantic attraction is supposed to feel like. like ive always been a bit attracted to him, like 'if he wanted to be with me, i wouldn't mind, but it's not ever something i'd initiate or even really want'. turns out he does want to be with me and i dont really know what to do with myself

like i feel bad when he tells me that he loves me and expects me to say it back. half the time i dont because i dont feel like id be telling the truth if i say i love him, half the time i do say it and feel terrible. because like i do love him, he's a great person and we work together so well, i just don't love him romantically, and thats what he wants.

i also dont like kissing?? it is not all its hyped up to be its kinda uncomfortable and honestly gross (i do not like the feeling of wet on my skin and unfortunately that comes with kisses, also mouths are really disgusting hygenically). maybe im just not good at it (im not, hes the first person ive ever kissed and while im certainly getting practice in it doesnt seem to be getting better) but it kinda skeeves me out. i much prefer cuddling, but he likes kissing a lot, so i let him kiss me. like thats fine, i dont care, i just dont like when he expects me to kiss him back, or when we kiss on the lips because its so awkward for me.

also like,,, i make a lot of jokes about getting freaky or freaky topics thats just how it is but like,, the actual act is repulsive?? in every aspect?? also im trans so like,,, my body is not right and the limited options we have because of that makes me mad. and i know that if it ever comes to that point i am probably going to tell him no but like,,, i fear he might be getting the wrong idea because of the sheer frequency/intensity of which i make those kinds of jokes.

anyway this was mostly about the kissing and the telling him 'i love you' thing thats whats really bothering me :'3 and like,,, he likes kissing me ! a lot! and i like when hes happy so i dont want to tell him to stop, but i am going to get away with not telling him 'i love you' for as long as i can because that really makes me feel bad, and if im being really honest, those two things were the only things that have changed since we started dating. im thinking that maybe we were better off as friends, or at least i was, but i dont want to hurt his feelings. what do i do please help

I'm afraid I don't have a lot of advice for you, but I do have one piece that I hope will help, even if just a little. It's one I've seen before and will likely see again, so you probably have too, but in case you haven't here it is.

'I love you' doesn't have to be romantic, it can be what ever you want it to. It can be an 'i care about you, and love when you feel cared about,' it can be a 'you are my best friend and I love spending time with you,' or even an 'i love you for being yourself'. Saying I love you can be a great way to express various feelings, not just romantic ones. It can be as platonic or romantic as you want it to be.

Of course, this is just my opinion. Speaking with your partner about it, expressing that when you say it back you might not mean it the same way they do but that they are still important enough to you for the words to ring true in a different way could also help.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice about the kissing other than your boundaries and comfort should not be totally sacrificed for your partner is not a healthy thing. If you can, compromise.

This is coming from another person along the aroace spectrum, though one for whom the thought of being in a romantic relationship is a no, so how I see things might not be what works for you.

Sorry this long and kind of rambly.

Okay so I might be the wrong person to give advice on relations cause I'm not experienced at ALL, but I'd say communication is def the key here :'0

If you notice that a romantic relationship is what he seeks with you but that's not what you want, then you gotta talk to him about it, and if he doesn't want to accept that then maybe you're better off as friends! Love is not exclusive to romantic relationships, of course, and what you feel towards him might simply be platonic love too c: I have had many instances myself where close friendships have me questioning whether I'm attracted to them or just like them as friends, because society has kind of twisted peoples' views on close friendships

At the end of the day, it's all about how you feel. Forcing yourself into a relationship for someone else's sake NEVER ends well, I had a friend that went through a similar experience and it really wrecked them :c

And a good friend, while they might be reasonably disappointed with you telling them you might not want a romantic relationship, will accept that! Sometimes you can't really get away with doing what's best for yourself without some degree of hurt feelings along the way unfortunately <|3
And like Mistakes said, boundaries is important and compromising might work as long as you are both comfortable with the end result