It's my mom's birthday and we all love her VERY much. My sister can't drive herself yet but is always caught up in SO MUCH STUFF in school that my poor mother has to drive her constantly. She uses her anxiety and ADHD as an excuse not to try when it comes to family, considering I see her for less than a combined 2 hours a week it makes me really sad. (Dont get me wrong, I myself have ADHD and am very familiar with anxiety, I know she struggles inwardly a lot but she has completely stopped trying most of the time) They have been screaming at each other all evening. Im trying too be quiet and unproblematic but I hate listening to them fight. On top of all of that, I was knitting a scarf for my mom as a present and the string completely snapped while I was finishing it, and now she has no birthday present. I feel really bad for my entire family, especially my mom and sister. Anyone know if I can do anything to help?

I came to understand as I grew up that I am not the only one with problems(not in a way that what I am going trhough is so unique I won't accept advice or help from anyone cause they are not me an therefore "have no idea what is it like to be me" that statement is realisitically correct if we were to start scientific debate, but we more commonly start it to help someone on human/emotional level and we humans learn from each other and adapt what we see to our needs so total disregard of any other opinion/advice is bit over the top and more of closing in. I understand that being distrustful of advice is also sometihing that happens or trust issues in general, but sadly some level of toughening up is needed to survive in life and no human nor specie escapes it, it comes in different ways and intensity, but uncomfortable situations are something we better learn how to work throuh ) but in a way that people aroud me also deal with their own issues on daily basis and that my mother did not yell at me over a dirty dishes (used as example of something irrelevant, it is basically sometimes she goes off about it in the afternoon saying this and that about who I am as a person and my future, when for years she and I wash dishes in the evening so to see bit of dirty dishes in the afternoon is normal, but okay, rarely/sometimes those 3 plates trigger her) cause she is mean and evil, but because she that day went through something bad, mean person, problem with someone's health, she helps animals so if animal here or there is doing bad it can affect her, and not too go too personal, but I promise it is not as superficial as these examples seem; she is a 3D person with complex set of emotions and past and future and interactions and thus, as every human, is not perfect and that can end up with her unloading her anger on me. I amm not okay with it, but understaning that other humans also have their problems and that their interactions with me are not their only defining factor helped me understand world better, in broader sense.

What I am suggesting is-maybe your sister is like me, too focused on hers problems only. I am not saying focusing on your problems even over others is bad, you should work on them,that is good, buuuuuuuuuuut wounds you inflict on other people while healing yourself sometimes cannot be mended. If she pushes everyone away now then even thou she will be healed up later when that time comes those people won't feel what they once felt towards her and it can be all be blamed on illness of course, but...if they felt nothing from her for years and only got pain from her, it will shape them on multiple levels and you cannot really be mad about other's people feelings, they are theirs feelings and even if you don't ike them you cannot change them and in most cases nor can they do that overnight, or even want to-why mend a relationship when they might already have just as good one. Okay with last one it is impossible in this case cause mother can have no replacement for daughter and other way around. Although people can have found families.

and to have your problems/mental issues(i dunno how anxiety and ADHD fit on that list) and people around you too...well it is a shitfest of everyone hurting inwardly constantly even if people who caused issues are not present almost never. so that sole enviroment sadly ain't helping to heal anyone, but at the same time I'd say neither of you has time/place/money to get some better help or isolation in specialised place with medical professionals. Thou even when one gets that then they will guide you how to live in outside world where you won't be isolated nor protected so if person only seeks protection from anything even slightly bad at all times and expects the world to provide it then ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well it ain't realistic ;-; thou on positive note of tougheing up-being able to work trhough some of your probems or make progress on them lifts up morale and overall mood ^^

um, my advice would be, try to see if your sister think she is the only one with problems and as such should be treated as drop of water on a palm of a hand (cause as stated we all have problems and noone can escape them all, life has it's bad parts, but by getting through them we get to good ones) and if yes try to change or tell her that that is not the case and more importanty that time/life won't wait on her to heal sadly, she, for now, has to live with her illness/problems and it won't be perfect, but it won't be as horrible nor empty as not living at all, but pausing in time and space, focusing on present problems only.

Also it might help if you all on your own or together have notebook in which every evening you write down 3 bad things of that day and then 3 good things about that day-even if it is something simple-just to keep perspective healthy that it is not all rain and clouds,that there is good. I think it is good practice cause....well as we can see on news and TV most of it are disatsers and that can negtively affect people's mental health-global depression of sorts-it is more complicated then that, but the point is, if you are too exposed to only good or only bad inormation/situations your perspective shifts from realistic one and it can lead to other problems-keeping balance is importnat.

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this hurts to write and it will hurt you to read thou it is but a senctence-do not be surprised or take it too personally if when you point out she is destroying her realtions to people that care about her that she says she does not care about anything or anyone and that it is okay with her-it...at times it can seem like it to people, like nothing matters, or they say that to get people away from them cause they think they are bad influence and everything woud be better if they never existed. I can continue on this note later if you want me to,okay? Know that none of that is true, it is longtime hurting speaking, not really her.

Also even if you give gift bit late I am sure she will still appreciate it ^^