Grrrr

(Wanting to start of by saying this may be a bit disjointed, I have a migraine)

I have so much frustration towards myself and towards the medical system at the moment.

I've been having health issues for YEARS. Literally since I was 11. So, y'know a fair while.

And what has been done, what has been treated, what has been found? NOTHING.

I've seen multiple doctors and multiple specialists and tried so many different medications and had every test under the sun and.... nothing works. They don't know what it is, won't listen to me about my theories, refuse to give me referrals to see other specialists, say it's something I'll "grow out of" (Um, hello, I'm kind of already grown?) or something I just have to deal with.

I've literally been in hospital for the past week and a half ish but noooo Im clearly fine.

I'm so sick of it. So sick of my family not believing anything is wrong with me ("Have you tried yoga? Drink more water!"). So sick of forcing myself to do things I can't do to make other people happy. Sick of being gaslighted by my doctors. Sick of being told I'm faking everything. Sick of having no options for treatments. Sick of not being able to do the things I love. Sick of letting people down. Sick of being told I can't possibly be disabled. Sick of everything.

I'm so exhausted, and so angry and at this stage, just so hopeless.

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Relax, and don't be so hard on yourself! Always look on the bright side. Be grateful that you even have a family and doctors that can take care of you.

I feel you. I had a leg injury that prevented me from giving my all in my cross country practices and meets. We thought it was just something that could be fixed with a hip adjustment but when that didn't really help my team started to believe I was faking it. I would come home from practice most days limping and when I ran it felt like I was driving a knife into my knee. But no, all my teammates said I needed to suck it up and stop being so dramatic. It came to the point where I was in pain just walking across the plazas in our school and if I didn't take a painkiller before a meet I was crap. Eventually we found out it was a stress reaction, which is what happens before a stress fracture. To this day, half of my team still doesn't believe me. So, yeah, I feel you.